James Callis Secrets.. Revealed

Sunday secrets:

This is the end of Sunday updates. Just FYI. (I forget what day it was when I last updated.)

Reminder: You can send secrets by posting comments in this entry. The comments are screened; only I will see them until they're up here. Tinypic or photobucket works for images.

Tuesday secrets:

"I don't think Edward J. Olmos and Jamie Bamber can act. Secret because they're your friends."

"I'm glad you deleted your first tweets. The angry ones made you sound like a jerk, and by deleting them you showed you're not. Oddly, that makes me admire you more than if you never tweeted that stuff."

Monday secrets:

Text only:

"James, its no secret that you should not have made Merlin and The Book of Beasts-really bad..."

James Callis on Twitter!

(He took his original tweets down so I took the original post down. I'm not sure what his plan is for now, but people are allowed to change their minds, and I have often wished I could erase or edit something from this blog after people read it. So I can relate. If his Twitter goes down, this post disappears too.)

So - James Callis! On Twitter! Here! I won't quote any tweets but it's very cute and very James, highly recommended. Deep thought mixed with silly jokes. Also: he likes rhymes. (Which goes well with his name. Even after two years as a fan, I giggle at the rhyminess of James Callis.)

What does his Twitter say about him? That he's pretty much like I expected. Which is kind of odd. I think it's because he sounds the same as in his Forum messages, so I knew what to expect. (And most likely the private James is different, and this is just his public persona.) He's following some pretty philosophical sites - Dalai Lama, Deepak Chopra, etc. - and seems very influenced by Oriental philosophy. Also: many book sites. (L)! Apparently he's also following WebMD and a family health thing, so maybe not as non-healthy as I imagined? And he seems politically liberal. Whew! I thought he would be, but you just never know. I'm not going to start a political debate with him or anything, but if he had been fiercely conservative, I may have been more than a little disappointed.

I still feel like a gushy fangirl every time I talk to him, so I try not to talk to him very much. (Not that I have all that much to say except "LOL" or "so true" to every tweet, so maybe it's best to shut up.) Most of his tweets bring a smile to my face though. It seems like a safe way to follow James without an uncomfortable closeness or distance. Which, ironically, was pretty much what the James imposter said about Twitter last year.

He still seems super nice and interesting based on the tweets. I'm a little surprised at this, because usually when you get more exposure to a celebrity, you realize how normal and boring they really are. I don't get that vibe with James. It might be because he doesn't post fiercely private or mundane stuff; if he tweeted things like "scratched my neck, wonder why it's itching", it might get tired real fast. (Incidentally, that's pretty much how I tweet.) On the other hand, when he mentioned cornflakes, I squeed at the fact that I, too, eat cornflakes. So I may be biased.

Some fan-feelings stuff here on my LJ, for those who care to read. I'm still very emotional, but I will post on Eureka soon, I think. Still very happy, it's just all new and I need to give things some thought.

Facebook Glee

(Written on LJ on the 7th, so I'll just cross post here. I'm slightly calmer now, a week after it happened. But still happy. The only part that didn't apply was the idea that I would fetishize him less. Um, much fetishizing coming in the next Eureka post.)

I'm incredibly hyper in one way, but on the other hand... I feel at peace. Because I know James Callis reads my stuff, and thinks kindly of me, and is an awesome guy. I'm at peace with him. It feels good. It feels healing and cathartic and... I don't even know.

I may need a day or two.. or week or two.. to just chill out and get used to this. It's a huge thing for me. I feel so good right now. I feel like it would be boring to keep repeating how good I feel, but I will indulge myself at least with this one post.

I can't believe he contacted me. Obviously I've fantasized about him doing just that, but when it happened, I was blown away bc it was like... an alternate universe or something. Worlds colliding. My first reaction was just pure shock. The joy came after I had time to parse through it a little. Even if you fantasize about something, that doesn't mean you expect it to happen. It's a bit funny because I started my relationship with him in my head, so in that sense it's like marrying someone first thing and then getting to know them. And I'm shy and nervous and want to keep a certain distance, after being all over him for so long. It's all sort of blown away when I talk TO him. Or - swoon - HE talks to ME. (I should probably talk in imperfect tense, because I doubt he's meaning to start a long-term correspondence.) HeadJames is still in my head, though, so it will probably stay on the side. Or not? we'll see.

Does this change anything about the blog? Probably not ALL that much, because I've always written knowing he might read - and suspecting he does - so I haven't really censored any of my feelings. I won't send him PMs about his belly/hair/smoking/whatever, but I may squee about them in the blog bc it's a part of my fandom. Obviously nothing I see on his FB goes on my blog. I may have to separate the two realms a little.

It's possible that the nature of the fangirling will change slightly. The main difference for now is that I see him more as a real person, someone with a personality defined long before I became a fan. I think I've seen him slightly as an extension of my own dreams and fantasies. I imagined it would be, on some level, disappointing to have contact. It's not. It's not HOW I pictured it, but it's really joyful, soothing and rewarding. In a way, it makes him appear smaller though, like he's more equal with me than before. I don't know what it is. It's not specifically anything he does or says, just that... he's just another guy using Facebook, not presented as "THE STAR OF THE DAY, JAMES CALLIS". His updates show up highlighted, but then so do everyone else's - there's no difference between "Nicole likes x's status" and "James Callis likes x's status". I've never considered this, but the fact that he's always on stage, on camera, etc. is probably a part of why I see him as something Higher. Maybe I need to bring him back on my level a bit.

In time, this might lead to him becoming less fascinating and attractive in my eyes. BUT. I think it will be really good for my self esteem and the way I treat James on the blog. Knowing he approves of me, I can't imagine becoming crushingly disappointed or upset, even if he said something I can't really agree with. I don't have to build him up as a superhero. I think. This has not yet been tested, but I'm pretty good with people disagreeing with me once I trust them.

I can't see the most private stuff on his FB, and that feels comfortably distant, like he has a space for himself too. I'm not intruding on something he doesn't want to share. I'm still a little shy and don't feel overly comfortable communicating with him on FB. I've browsed thru his photos but so far, I'm not "liking" any, bc I don't want him to come to FB to "you have 300 notifications - Deniselle Baltar likes your photo, Deniselle Baltar likes your photo, Deniselle Baltar commented on your photo, etc. etc.". I don't want him to regret adding me.

So I'm a little nervous still. But then I do this with everyone I find cool. The first times I interacted with Nicole, for instance, I always thought I must sound SO DUMB. Because, you know, Nicole is so judgemental and scary that there's real reason to worry. :D

My Therapist Loves James Callis, Part 2

I spent my therapy talking about James Callis, again. And I feel better, again. I know I already went thru this facebook thing there, but it's been only two months and I really haven't had a chance to deal with it. Or maybe I had to put it away for a while and focus on other stuff so I could deal with it when the first feelings are over.

My therapist really has a positive image of James through me - and he mentioned checking some of James' work as well, to see what he's like. He said James seems kind and empathetic, but I must remember how much he has going on with the work and the family and traveling. He wouldn't have the time or mental energy to form a similar bond with me that I feel with him, even if he probably reads my blog and appreciates it. I need to be realistic about what I can expect. I can't necessarily know what boundaries he's laid out long before I became a fan. I have to separate the private James and the public James - the former I may never get to know. And even if I dream about it, it probably wouldn't feel as good as I imagine; I'd overanalyze my own behavior with him and his behavior at me. I may not be able to take it. Robyn also said this.

My Therapist Loves James Callis

I feel so good right now.

I went to therapy today and talked about the Facebook thing. I brought my autograph to show what kind of contact I had with James previously. The therapist looked it over and said that it seems like James is a sympathetic, humorous person who really appreciates fans. He also said that given the constraints of this kind of relationship, James probably meant more, not less, than he wrote in the autograph. I said I realize it might be fake, but he said, "No, I don't think so. The length and the word choices... it's genuine." (L)!!!!! (He also had trouble reading James' handwriting - I had to help him with "privilege". Hee!)

Then he said, "So you have all this on the positive side. And on the negative side? That guy who attacked you and what else now?" Well, nothing... apart from the FB blockage, but he seemed to consider that pretty unimportant. He said that anyone reading the attack post would realize this guy has some issues, and that it was a completely unwarranted attack, even if it must feel bad to read that stuff, especially if you worry already what James thinks of you.

He also told me to consider how busy James must be. How much time would he have to think about fans and react to us? He said James probably does read the blog and it probably means a lot to him that there are fans who are so enthusiastic. But no matter how big the fandom is in MY life, and how much time I have put into it, James will inevitably have less time to really think about fandom - as in all fans, not just me. So when I worried I may have upset James and scared him from any further fan contact, the therapist said that's really unlikely, also given the time constraints. There'd have to be two Jameses: one to react emotionally to my posts and another to act and do everything else.

So I feel really relieved right now. Remember, this is a professional who knows about people, not a fan who has to see him in an idealized light. He didn't even know about James previously. If he thinks the autograph is appreciative, and doesn't think the FB blockage means anything... Well, he can't see into James' head of course, but still. This felt really good.

I said I want the fandom to be FUN again, and something that doesn't give me stress or self-doubts. He said it's become a relationship in my life - and he said this in a positive way, not like I have an unhealthy obsession, so whew - and that when it becomes a big thing, there will also be negative things. But he promised to help me bring it back on a level that is fun and carefree. He also thought it was a good sign that I can still gush about the FF photos and the donuts (I don't care what anyone says, he looks chubby in those photos. Remember: I'm the expert!)

My therapist also said that this relationship I have with James - whatever it means to him - is not something that can be jeopardized at this point. That made me feel really safe and happy in my fandom.

So maybe this is, all in all, a good thing. I can try and stop worrying about the fandom and bring it back to fun and carefree; I can feel accepted as a fan, because whether or not James wants me on his Facebook, we'll always have the autograph.

Pondering on FlashForward

So we got the news of James joining ABC's Flash Forward about a week ago. No comments from James yet, nor any news about his role, but I'll keep you posted. I just wanted to write a bit more about this, because this has been all over the net, and I realize there are many sites that wrote a longer post than I did. So to keep up with my good track record of wordiness, I'm going to discuss my reactions a bit more.

One reason I got so excited about this is that I watch this show. I'm familiar with its characters, and when James appears, I'll know what the ramifications of his character are. FF is a show with story arcs, not one-off episodes, so it'll be interesting to see how his character develops and what his arc is like. The only problem is, of course, that FF has had some trouble getting started and may in fact be cancelled before season two.

I'm both amused and happy about the number of people saying "Damn, now I have to start watching FlashForward". It bodes negatively on the show, but very well on James. It's like he has arrived - people not only know who he is, but will watch a show for him. Even a show they'd already abandoned. That's amazing. I do hope he helps FF get back on its feet, because it's a show I very much want to like, and not just because of him. I love the premise to bits, and my main disappointment has been that the show progresses too slowly, and I have a hard time identifying with the characters. Maybe because there are too many characters to really build them up in such a short time.

Another reason all of this is so cool is that... Shall I confess to this? Hmm. I never know when I cross the line and completely make a fool of myself with the fangirl stuff, but here goes: I've often thought of how cool it would be, if there was a real blackout... if my flash forward included James. Because that would mean that he'd also see me in his. Like, I flashforward to six months from now, and I'm meeting him at a con. And he'll know who I am now, what I look like, and what I think of him, because of the flash forward. Since flash forwards are so memorable, he'd always remember me. *gush* *blush*

I'm not sure what that says about me (maybe that I'm way too focused on having contact with James?), but after fantasizing about this, him being on the show is almost surreal to me. It's like someone asked me what shows I want to see James in, and my wish will come true.

In case someone up there is listening, just for future reference: I wanna see James on In Treatment. And The Office. And True Blood. (provided that I like it, haven't seen it yet) And anything by Charlie Kaufman or David Lynch. Please??

Edit: And Mad Men! How could I forget about Mad Men? He'd be so good for that one.

Sexism in Fandom

I don't want to go on and on about a cyber bully and thus give him more attention, but I came upon a thought that relates more to fandom in general. This is the second time a man has attacked me about my love for James Callis, like it's somehow ridiculous to be a fan and have a blog like this. Both times, there have been accusations of being obsessive, and my looks have been used against me in both cases. These two guys seem to be unrelated, are from different countries and probably don't know each other. But I don't think it's a coincidence that they are both men.

When I look back on my time in the Ace of Base fandom, there were always guys saying things like "I like the music, but I don't care about the members, that's just stupid". I'd say most male fans fell into this category. They may have had a thing for either or both of the female singers, but that mostly seemed to be sexual. Very few, if any, of them would identify with the guys or really want to be like them. Some of the girls, likewise, mainly enjoyed the music and not the members. But there were also lots of female fans with an admiration, adoration, or personal devotion for one or more of the band members.

I'd argue BSG fandom is similarly divided. There are fans who go for a certain actor, and there are those who are more into the phenomenon of the show. The latter type of fans seem to be predominantly male, the former female. And this is where it gets sexist: that men hold their type of fandom in higher esteem - possibly simply because it is mostly inhabited by men. Lots of women have this attitude too. We still have this lingering cultural idea that something mainly done by women must be frivolous. People talk derisively of the Bamber Bunnies. (I may have been guilty of that myself in the beginning.) And I guess someone very into James Callis is equally silly.

I wonder - is fandom a female phenomenon? Is it somehow related to how men and women are different, or are at least raised or treated differently? Perhaps this question is, in itself, sexist and doesn't really deserve to be raised. I raise it only because I've seen many examples of this sexism, sometimes aimed at myself, sometimes at others. The argument is simply "You're a silly fangirl, and also you're ugly." The stereotype is that if you have a crush on an actor, you're a bit silly and childish, like a giggling teenage girl. This might also mean that men are less likely to admit it if they feel strongly about a particular actor, role model-wise.

And as we all know, unattractive girls are useless and a joke all around, so it becomes this big cluster of pathetic: a GIRL coveting for an ACTOR - and she's UGLY! Like, she's totally out of his league! She'd never get him into bed in a million years! Bwahaha what a joke!

This also shows that for many men, if they like an actor, it's all about sex. You want someone hot to fantasize about. Sure, I find James very hot indeed, and I do fantasize about him - but that's not all I do. I look up to him as a person, a role model. I enjoy his performances on various shows. The fantasy of James is a fantasy about a great artist, someone I'd like to be. Not just someone I'd like to frak. And definitely not someone I ever expect to have sex with.

I'm not literally "in love with" James. I'm in love with my girlfriend and she's in love with me. That's based on knowing each other well, connecting on some deep level, becoming one. I couldn't have that with James because I've never even met him. If I did, and we connected on some level, that would be great but it still wouldn't be love. It could be, at the very most, a friendship. Whether James finds me attractive doesn't really matter. If he does, I'd be flattered, but if not, that's fine too. What I don't want from him - or anyone - is to be treated as, pardon my French, a nice piece of ass. Most smart women don't want that. We want respect.

This fantasy of James is something that, through my depression, has kept me going. It gives me something to look forward to (James' new projects/cons), something to aspire to (being more like him), something to do (the blog). I've made many friends through the fandom. Not to mention all the great conversations I've had with people about James and BSG, which have all expanded my thinking and view of the world. Is there something frivolous or silly about all of this? To me, there is not. Granted, I do joke about my James adoration, but it's just self-deprecating humor. In all seriousness, I hold fandom in very high esteem. It's an important thing in many people's lives.

Introspection: Why was I so quick to defend myself and say that I do not believe James loves me? Does it mean I, on some level, think others (maybe even James himself) would find me silly if I had a fantasy of mutual love? Did I feel "owned" on some level? Is it an admission of weakness, in our culture, that you dare love a celebrity? Because if I think in those terms, I need to change my thinking. There's nothing silly about this.

While on the topic, I feel like commenting on one more thing Mr Tyler said, and hopefully then put this thing behind us.

Now, I can’t speak for James Callis. Not in the slightest. But I’m guessing, like me, the only faces in the crowd he’ll remember for those few extra minutes more than everyone else are the ones he might want to have sex with (not you), the ones who give him free stuff (probably you) and the ones he’ll learn to avoid as their absolutely off their head mental. Now that last one, without a doubt thats you.

Do I believe this is true of James? No, I don't. This is an extremely cynical and sexist thing to say, and I just don't associate those things with James (though he probably has cynicism and sexism somewhere in his personality, as do we all). I want to point out that James remembers Janine and some others from the Unofficial Website. I don't know if they ever gave him free stuff, but he's been consistently appreciative of them for over ten years now. He also remembered Nicole based on meeting her once at a con 1,5 years prior, and I don't think Nicole brought him anything. I won't comment on the "want to have sex with" thing, because I don't know James' taste in women. I'll just suggest that perhaps to some men, it's not the first thing they care about?

So - even if you've had autograph sessions for whatever reason, James isn't necessarily like you. I'd be very careful with making those assumptions.

In the end, I don't know how James approaches us fans. He seems appreciative in all encounters I've heard of, and in my autograph as well. It could all be an act, but that doesn't really matter as long as he isn't transparently fake. If he respects and appreciates me, great (and admittedly awesome and validating). If not, it's his loss. He'd lose me as a fan, and I'd be sad, but that wouldn't make my dream a joke. And when I say "respect and appreciate", I do not mean "find me attractive". These are two completely separate things. I'm sure James knows that.

I say this to everyone whose fandom has been made fun of: There's nothing frivolous, childish, shameful or silly about having role models. I think everyone does, more or less. And on a very basic level, that's all that fandom is.

Re: "James Callis Doesn't Love You"

This is a response to the post James Callis Doesn't Love You, written by James Tyler of comawhite.co.uk. If you visit the link and see comments by "Deniselle", those are edited by James T. and not the way I had written them. The comments by Anna/Elina, who James T. imagines is the same person as me, have also been altered. He also removed all links I posted to this response, so that people couldn't see what I had written. Fair and square online conversation, in other words! I've never seen anything like this before. Attacking someone in a post, OK, but altering their comments to suit your own image of them? More than a bit disturbing. Talk about creating an echo chamber!

ETA: I will add this one note, since he has now edited his post to claim that he doesn't give a damn about me and he was just "setting a bait" and now I'm a fool for responding. Okay. That makes you look worse, though, not better. Because saying incredibly rude things about someone because you're mad at them shows a lack of maturity, but saying those things just to get a reaction shows an even greater lack of maturity. And yes, it does imply that you just sat there waiting for a reaction from me, so you could say when I react that you couldn't care less. You can't really argue that you set a bait and argue that you don't care about me or my reaction. You're kind of admitting that you're a mean SOB who deliberately wants to hurt people's feelings for your own amusement. This does not make you the bigger person.

This is one of those cases where I can tell the person went out of their way to offend me, without any knowledge of me personally. Basically I had a fight with their girlfriend, and he got upset, so he decided to make a post about me. So he just sat there thinking of possible offenses. "Let's see. There's nothing directly ridiculous about having a fan blog, and that's really the only thing I know about her. But I guess I can spin that into a ridiculous thing if I claim she thinks James Callis loves her too. How pathetic is that? Bwa ha! And let's look at her picture... wow, she's fat, isn't she! That's great material right there, fat girls go cry and eat a donut as soon as you tell them they're fat. Man, I'm good! I can't wait til she sees this! Now to post as many links on twitter as possible and just wait for her response."

So here's my response: Blah. You call that an offensive post? I've been called fat so many times I lost count, and really, I am fat, and that's not a bad thing to be. So that one's rather... duh. I'm also short, and in case you missed it, I do wear glasses. Like you correctly observed, I'm also female, so fan+girl=fangirl. And, since the most important quality of a woman is attractiveness, you did right to point out my objective lack thereof. I am greatly humbled and will now promptly remove this blog.

So, the unrelated accusation here is that James doesn't love me and I'm therefore stupid and pathetic to love him.

I like to be tongue-in-cheek in this blog, but I guess I have to start posting huge THIS IS SARCASM notes all over it, so people realize I don't genuinely think James loves me and the blog. On second thought: no, I won't. My blog, my rules. If you don't understand sarcasm, maybe you shouldn't read here.

Just this once, however, I will respond to this "critique" and state my case in all seriousness. I'm a fangirl, hear me roar. Ahem.

I've never met James and cannot speak for him (and no other blogger can either). The only thing I can say is: I love James Callis. Do I expect him to love me back? Absolutely not. It's not how fandom works. You love someone from a distance, and you're not expecting for it to be reciprocated. I don't know any - sane and adult - fan who truly honestly believes they will marry their idols. Especially if the idol in question is already married with children. And the fan in question is in a happy long-term relationship with a woman. I don't need James to fulfil my romantic and sexual needs. Not that there's anything wrong with a single fan dreaming of a relationship with a star, as long as they don't expect for it to actually happen.

Do I have fantasies of him being friends with me and kinda loving me back? Yes, like any fan, I have those fantasies. Do I hope he reads the blog, enjoys it, and comes back for more? Absolutely. Do I expect for these things to be a reality? No. For the sake of the fantasy, I do retain the hope that James reads and might express appreciation for the blog, should I meet him one day. The autograph gave me some of that validation. But I never took his "lots and lots of love always" thing to mean that he literally loves me. He always says "lots of love" to fans - in the panels, in the forums, in the autographs. It's his phrase. It probably doesn't mean very much, even if it is sweet. The reason I reacted so strongly this time is that he added to it. That, to me, implies that he meant some of it this time. Not that he loves me like he loves his wife, children, or friends. Not even like I love him. Just that he genuinely appreciated my fandom and/or the stuff I sent him. That's all I wanted.

Let's say James, despite his general sunny disposition and kind autograph, really doesn't give a flying frak about me. Which, really, is very possible. Let's say he even thinks I'm a little fanatic and tedious, if he's read the blog. Does this make me ridiculous and pathetic to dream about him? No. It's just how fandom works. He doesn't need to feel anything at all for me. I have every right to love him, adore him, idolize him, whatever I want. Because this is my fantasy and no one else's. I've chosen to make some of my fandom public in this blog, partially because other fans share similar feelings for him. As far as I can see, having a blog like this is perfectly fine, as long as it remains respectful to James and doesn't spread lies or false rumors.

I was going to write a longer discussion of fan identification and feeling like you know the person, but that will have to wait to another time. It's an interesting topic, really. Part of why I started this blog is to celebrate fandom in general (the other part is, of course, celebrating James Callis). If the blog pisses people off, then maybe I have succeeded in expressing something real and resonant.

I'm not well enough versed in psychology to know why fandom happens to some people and not to others, and what the magic is in loving someone you've never met and really don't know much about. I just know this: it is magical, and it's beautiful, and it's yours. No one can take it away from you. Daring to love someone is always worth it.

2009 - A Year in James

Since I'm having a head cold again, I'd best start off the decade with a very redundant "last year roundup" post. It should be fluffy enough that I can write it in the middle of a major snot invasion. This will be mostly a link dump, nothing new, but it's nice to have it all in one place.

So, what happened with James in 2009?

Career:

In April, James received a Jules Verne Award in Paris, along with co-stars Mary McDonnell and Jamie Bamber. A proud moment for him and the fans, and quite a bit of media buzz around the event.

He appeared on American crime show Numb3rs as a terrifying cult leader, Mason Duryea. First time we hear him with a Southern accent! It was pretty awesome and gave him a lot of visibility. Duryea is definitely more of a villain than Gaius ever was, even if some people grumbled about him being typecast as a cult leader (note that Gaius only became that at the very end, it's not really his essence or anything).

He also appeared as Merlin on Syfy's Merlin and the Book of Beasts. First time we hear him with a Welsh accent. Um, it wasn't great. But not as bad as some say, either. Um... I have trouble saying much...I'll write more about it later.

During the spring/summer, he also shot a British film called Re-Uniting the Rubins, a Jewish family comedy that sounds pretty promising. Some info and pictures posted by the location manager in this blog. He was quite impressed with James' performance, and I'm looking forward to this. Co-stars include Rhona Mitra and Timothy Spall.

James also voiced a documentary on BBC called The Podfather, about Robert Noyce who invented the silicon chip. I was able to find it online, and it was quite interesting. James keeps his voice pretty neutral for the most part, but there were a couple of cute moments where you can hear him sound extra solemn or soft.

Not much more info on his career at the moment. He visited the US several times over the year, so maybe there was some job thing going on he has yet to tell us about? He's being very secretive about future plans, so let's hope no news is good news.

Cons:

(These are just links to my ultimate con posts, which contain links to the con reports by others)

MegaCon in Orlando, Florida

FedCon in Bonn, Germany - still coming up: a full transcript of the panel from DVD!

Comic Con in San Diego, USA

An Evening With James Callis in Bonn, Germany - an all James con!

Extra: panel transcript here, here and here!

Mission Starfury: The Cylon Attack in London, England

2009 Interviews:

Discussing 4.5 episodes with Spacecast (audio)

Discussing the end with USA Weekend Who's News Blog (article)

More about the end with SFX (article)

And even more about the end at IGN (article)

An in-depth look at his Numb3rs character at IGN (article)

A brief chat at/about Comic-Con with Dewdcast (video)

Was HeadBaltar really an angel? James tells io9: "How should I know?" (video)

Two video interviews during the Jules Verne thing in France:

Canal+

SciFi France

And the actual Jules Verne Q&A:

3xcusemyfrench

Other events:

On his 38th birthday, James announced the birth of his third child, a daughter named Anika, born in May. The message is here at the Unofficial website. Awww, Anika! I.. (L) Sorry, I'm still all gushy.

All in all, James left four messages to the fans at the Unofficial website, all viewable here. The website celebrated its 10th anniversary this year, and James has been reading and writing to the fans since the very beginning. Much gratitude to him and, of course, Janine and Rikkie who run the site!

Looks-wise: He started the year with short hair, then grew it long, and then cut it again. But before the year ended, it had already grown out a little. Our hirsute man! (Babbles about his possible, but barely visible weight changes cut for length.)

Some of the cutest pictures taken in 2009:

The TV Guide Photo shoot!
Evening With James Callis!

Starfury!

and of course:
James holding a baby!! Squee!

In fandom:

Kixxa started her blog All Things James Callis, with lots of lovely photos of James' projects over the years. Check it out if you haven't already!

The end of BSG brought all kinds of feelings to the surface, even if James guaranteed that we can't be disappointed. James, you hopeless optimist! I was quite fulfilled and happy with the ending myself, with some rather minor complaints. Here's my rundown of the Baltar-related bits of the finale. I never wrote a long post about all of mine nitpicks, because there were so many others saying the same things, and because really, I wanted to feel happy and grateful with so much good going on.

For those unhappy with the finale, Ron D. Moore answered fan concerns at Syfy, here.

After the end of BSG, the Syfy Forums kind of died. I haven't really been around and it seems like no one else has been either... Um, if you're interested in talking about James, there's a lot of fun stuff going on on Twitter. And LiveJournal. Add me, I'm BaltarStar/Deniselleb. And not to forget the first James Callis forum where James himself sometimes posts, here!

My fan year:

So, let's sum it up.

-James wrote me the Best. Autograph. Ever. (L) (L) (L)!!! Let the record show that James Callis loves me a lot, always. He only loves the rest of you sometimes.

-I wrote him something silly and something personal and dared send it. So now he knows I exist. Eeeee!

-He answered my question about HeadBaltar. And seemed all gleeful about the question. (L)!

Also: he loves donuts, to my apparently unending glee and satisfaction. Need I link to that?

It's been a surprisingly awesome year. Only one disappointment that I retconned anyway, and all kinds of happy discoveries - he loves names? He loves junk food? He loves books? He loves Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? I'm not saying James and I are exactly alike or anything, but I mean, come on. He's done so much more this year than I expected, what with the con appearances and Jules Verne and everything. I feel like I can hardly keep up with the reports and cute pictures. Good times! :)

My heart pounded in March when kixxa told me James is on Twitter, and then it turned out he wasn't. I felt a bit sad that he had added so many followers without adding any of the known fans. Yet I was also sad to hear it wasn't him, because I think I would have enjoyed his tweets. Something to consider for the future, James?

And the autograph... I still can't get over the fact that it sounds genuinely warm and just.. genuine. It's more than I expected. It's a slippery slope between appreciating this stuff and going, "I'm his favorite nr 1 fan and we'll have 100 hairy babies soon XD XD XD", so I'll try to not make too much out of it. But... it just means a lot to me. Oh James. *sniffle*

I'm still a bit disappointed I wasn't able to actually go to the con, but I doubt James would have appreciated me going broke over him. Sacrifices like this are unnecessary; I will get to meet him one day. I hope.

I had a pretty rough year emotionally, but so far, so good. I'm still here and doing much better than this time last year. James has been a real blessing for me with the depression - something to fantasize about, someone to look up to, a reason to keep living even. My blog is needed. Who else would bring you the latest news, found with my ultimate googling skills? Who would detect the faintest beginning of a donut gut where others only see a billowy shirt?

Despite the depression, I did manage to write (checks) 94 posts. That's pretty good. With many other things in my life on hold, it makes me happy that I've been able to work on this blog still. It gives me strength and joy, and I'm so glad you readers have been hanging in there with me. (10,882 visits and counting!)

So here's to another great year of James. May the spirit of Jamus shine upon us! Jamen.

My Autograph!

My full autograph on my wall, next to my bed. Now I can look at it anytime and see James' words to me. Once again: Best. Autograph. Ever. (L)!!!


I just had to take a picture with the autograph. I'm feeling happy and touched. Pedda had placed it in a hard envelope with a plastic binder, and I feel like I'm already abusing the paper again, but I just had to take one picture of me with it. As if it's a picture of me with James. Once again, sorry for the poor quality of both my webcam and my cell phone cam. I'll get a proper digital camera sometime soon.

"Hmm, something's missing here..." James adds a dash. :D (Photo by the lovely René Kissien of Caprica-City.)

I got my autograph today. It's long and beautiful and the dents of the marker can be felt with your fingers. James has something I've touched and I have something James has touched. It's all very cosmic. Huge thanks and hugs to Pedda of Caprica-City again!

Dear [real name] -
Thank you so much for your gifts...
so sorry to miss you
- need I ask...
But Do you -
wanna Join my cult?
Membership has its privileges!
Lots of and lots of love always
James Callis xxx

I've already commented on the content in the "Evening With James Callis" post below, but once again - it's the longest and sweetest autograph I've ever seen, and it really sounds genuinely tender. (L)! I wasn't expecting something this personalized, and still can't quite believe it. I feel touched by James in some way. It's hard to explain. I felt a weird panic when I first saw the pictures of him with my autograph, and the same feeling grabbed me for a moment when I opened the letter - like something irrevocable has happened, the REAL James has seen me, and I can't ever take it back. But I'm so happy with how this worked out. In the pictures - I haven't posted some because there are other people in them too - he looks touched and tender, and his words sound the same. It's more than I had expected. *sniff*

I love his handwriting. A lot of men write big choppy letters; there's something delicate about James' writing. He started fairly big and then made the text smaller as he went along, and the three little x's are in the right margin. It's endearing and touching that he wanted to add them. I love how the name itself is so small, like it's an aside and the message is more important. Like it's a letter and not an autograph. There's no s in his name, so it's James Calli. His R's are very inconsistent. The one in "membership" looks more like a v. And I love his L's and I's and D's with their little sails. All of this is so endearing and so James.

Yes, there's a dash after "but do you". And yes - that picture above is him adding the dash in. That's so... :D Why would he add a dash in after the fact? Did he feel something was missing? Or has he seen me make fun of his "dashing" writing skills and so he added it in to amuse me? Hmmm. I'm trying to decipher his expression for possible mischieviousness, but it's really hard to tell. :D I can't believe I have a picture of him drawing a dash - that's almost too perfect.

And yes - I'm very curious about those privileges. I want to join his cult right away. ;)

"Lots and lots of love always". Sniff! I know he writes "lots of love" a lot, but... I can't even write about that one.

He didn't draw a dog, which is the only little disappointment. (I think he ran out of space.) I really don't mind though, because the autograph is so beautiful and personalized. I asked for the dog just in case it would feel a little generic, no matter what he wrote; autographs easily feel that way. But I should have trusted James more, because he really makes them unique. It leaves me something to ask for, in case I meet him some day - I feel like this autograph is unique and once in a lifetime, so I might not want another one, ever. But I can ask him to draw a dog.

It's so touching to look at this printout, the one I held on to on those most depressed days last winter. I looked at it as I first woke up and last thing at night. I kept looking at it throughout the day when I was too tired to do much more than lie in bed. The printout became a symbol of the person I used to be - passionate about something, happy. I wanted to be that person again, and the printout somehow made me feel connected to that. Now I can look at it and think that I lived to see the fall and feel better - and I got to connect with James in some way. There's something beautiful and poetic about that.

I run my fingers on the printout. James and I are touching the same thing, there's only a two week lag. Our universes meet for a moment. I'm his binary messenger.*

* I haven't gone insane, I'm just excited about this.