Fan Musings o' the Moment

I posted this on my LJ already, but it belongs here too, I reckon. How I'm feeling about fandom right now. Short version: I'm feeling well. 

I was randomly James Callis-browsing as usual, and finding nothing new. (I have this theory that a fan can exhaust all the good hits on Google in two years. It's based on my own bitter experience.) There was a mention about him being smaller than on the show, though, and it made me think. 

Maybe they meant shorter and not thinner (isn't he plenty thin in most people's eyes already?), but it made me think. When I met the fat guy in Ace of Base, he didn't seem all that fat. What's more, the fatness kind of didn't matter, because he was THERE and human. He seemed... flat in some way, stripped of his idol-greatness. Granted, this happened after my fandom sort of withered to death, so I might still see James as idol-great.

I always thought it might be super disappointing to meet him, because I had built up this image. Like I'd realize that image is totally bogus, and it'd be shattered, and I would be left with an admiration for some vague guy I don't even know. 

But in one way, I'm already meeting him on Facebook and Twitter. (By which I mean, mostly, seeing him.) I saw him flattening when I first read his posts. It was weird. It was like, "he's really there, tweeting, right now". And it meant - he's human in a way I hadn't considered. He's got a computer or phone or whatever, he's typing - and not always correctly - and that sort of puts him on even keel with me. I'm not sure why, but it does. He has more followers than me, but it's not like a JamesCallis template, it's just him posting on a regular site. 

But it wasn't a disappointing sort of flattening. For a while, I felt sad that we're really not friends and probably never going to be; it was like that was suddenly clear to me in a new way. But I realize that I might not be able to handle constant close contact anyway. There's no rejection in not being friends, nothing personal. There's also no pressure; I can talk to him when I feel like it, he won't block me or be rude about my feelings. He might not always respond, but I know he can see it, and sometimes I just want to be seen by him. (I'm not sure why, and I worry that's a kind of neediness, but I can't help this.) 

I haven't been disappointed in James. It's like the good things I admire are still there, more so than I had expected. He may not be larger than life, but he's a good guy, and funny, and kind. He's interesting to follow. The surprise is that imaginary James - is still there. I can still coo over his belly, feel like I know him and we share a special bond, and I can blog from this angle, but I can't talk at him like that. It's just a different mindspace. 

There are two Jameses: the real him, who's a little more distant, someone I don't quite know; and the imaginary guy, who I can mold to whatever needs I have at the moment. He held my hand when I was severely depressed; he laughs at my jokes and eats with me and all that. If I don't need him, he's not there. 

I can't ask anything of the real James, and I need to remember the constraints of the fan-idol thing, the constraints of his limited time. I have a certain respect for him that I don't have for the guy in my head. The real James doesn't share a telepathic connection with me, but it's somehow better, because it's always surprising what he ends up saying and when. I also enjoy the spectator role, the friendly distance between him and fans. 

What disappeared is the Evil Idol. I don't remember if I wrote about this before, but when you see your idol as ideal, you know it's gotta be false, so your mind creates an alternative image, the Evil James who hates fat girls in general and me in particular; someone who really thinks my blog sucks and wants nothing to do with me and blocked me on Facebook blah blah. The flattening seemed to happen on THAT end. 

Why did the evil image disappear? Probably because I see on Twitter how many people are talking to him, how many people want a piece of his time. He only has 24 hours a day like other people, and he has a super busy job, travels a lot, and has three kids. Is he going to have time to dissect every word people say about him and look for possible insults? Would he want to use his precious time on reading a blog he hates? Would he really choose to hate on a fan or fat girls in general or anything like that? The answer is obviously no. 

Also, he has never once stepped in it and said something rude that upset people. By which I mean, he's never been openly sexist/racist/ableist/whatever else. He's not spewing bigoted jokes or uneducated opinions about things he knows nothing about. He really sounds friendly in his tweets; and deep-thinking; and like someone who just wants to live and let live. I'll admit I'm very easily offended, so this is an achievement. It must mean he's either unusually kind and non-judgemental, or unusually good at judging what to say and when. Either way, epic win. 

For better or worse, I'm not a huge part of his life. James might or might not have an idea of me, as separate from the other fans, simply because I talked to/about him so much. That idea might be negative, but really, it's more likely to be positive or neutral. Hate takes a lot of mental energy, and his attitude on people is generally benevolent. He doesn't have unlimited time to ponder on me and my feelings for him. If he ever chooses to talk to me, or read my blog, I can take that as a huge compliment. Because he considers me worth his time. 

Spam, Spam, Spam, Wonderful Spam!

You know, spam can take many forms, and I often find it highly amusing. I found this "blog" where "James Callis" (might be their real name, or might be using our James's name in vain - blasphemy!) writes about various products he's tested and is happy with. It's all so amusingly NOT James's style. I mean, look at this:

My friend showed me this video game called Angry Birds, and it is surprisingly entertaining.

I know he has an iPhone, but I don't think James would ever say it like this. "This game called Angry Birds"? He would assume everyone already knows what it is and he's late for the party. He'd say something like "Finally tried Angry Birds - I guess an old dog - can learn - new tricks - t.g. 4 the iphone! xxx" 


Also, since James has a 2-year-old, it's good to hear they're finally getting her a crib, and a stroller, and some other essential child goods. His spouse is really on top of this kind of thing, apparently. Heh heh. I can't imagine a tweet here, because he doesn't tweet about his private life, and only obsessive baby parents describe this stuff anyway. 


But the one most amusing to me, for obvious reasons, is this weight loss-related one. 

There are lots of different diet programs on the market, however I am leaning towards ones which reduce the carbohydrates to help lose weight. Most of these make the most sense in my opinion because I’m able to understand that the majority of the foods I take in have a lot of empty carbs without any vitamins and minerals

I guess he's finally mending his donut-loving ways, LOL! I'd think he was always able to understand their nutritional value though. 


I could imagine how he would write if he were to embark on a valiant weight loss journey. Actually, I can't really, because my own fantasies get in the way and it gets way too detailed and descriptive (exactly what his belly looks and feels like, etc.) I think he'd just be self-deprecating and brief. Or would he even tweet about it? Probably he would not. 


One thing's for sure, though: he wouldn't write about this stuff just to endorse a product. 

James Callis Birthday Pix. (Linx.)

I'm having a James' birthday bash over at Tumblr where there will be lots of new and old pictures. The old ones are mostly from the Unofficial Website though, browse their photo gallery, it's amazing. James was very young and cheekboney. I think he looks better nowadays but I can't put my finger on why. More wisdom? More confidence? Even more kindness? He looked kinda young and insecure here still. But he really hasn't changed much in 20 years. No wait, it's only fifteen years since the first photos.

Also, Janine posted a bunch of James Eureka promo shots and he looks amazing! Link here.

I might as well link again to the latest pix we have of him, on the set of BBC's Merlin. So the age has brought a couple of lines (adorable) around his eyes, a bit more chub (even adorabler) and not much else.

What will the future bring? Hopefully more chub. Seriously though, I can see him only getting better as an actor as he has more life experience. I just hope he gets roles that are worthy of his talents. And I hope him happiness and good health and lots of joy. Oh f, I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

James Callis' Birthday (40th); A Formal Greeting and Congratulation

Ahem. Dear Mr. Callis, it has come to our attention that thou - thee? - you are celebrating thine - thorne? - 40th birthday today. We are taking this with the utmost seriousness, and thus have composed for thee - thou? - a poem that goes thus:

Ah!
Each time I lay eyes onto you
My heart doth stoppeth.
For it is in the gentle forms and slopes
of your form
That I
cometh.

Ahem. Yes, sometimes on times like these, we have a tendency to get overly, well, stimulated. Perhaps it is best to device a new poem, this time more appropriate.

Thy beauty fills the Earth and skies
And rivers, lakes beneath it;
Ah, how fans wish they could device
a machine with which to repeat it;
So then we could jump onto thee
and...

Perhaps it is the poetic format here that is making the... lack of ... or the excessive... Let us attempt in a more contemporary, jocular style.

You are turning 40
The fans are getting horny
Today is your birthday
So make it your girth day
Eat lots of donuts
..something something gonads?

Oh for f's sake! Can't I write something NORMAL and non-horny! This bugs me.

My fandom, my fandom,
it makes my heart explode.
It's not any of your fault,
but I still want you to know.

What the fuck was that?!

You bring so many people joy,
don't ever stop being a little boy
at heart and soul and imagination
continue to create and seek elation.

Hmmm, bland yet boring. But it's not creepy. This is a step in the right direction.

I think I thought of just the perfect thing to say. Ahem:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAMES!
You are the wind beneath my wings,
the apple of my eye,
the whiskey in my brandy,
the stretch marks on my thigh;
the wind in my willows
the fluff in my pillows
the wuthers of my heights,
the power of my lights;
my failure to comply,
my tendency to lie,
my rifle of the night,
my sorrow shining bright;
my grown up teenage dream-a,
my Anna Karenina,
my heart.

*sniff* that was beautiful. I'm happy now.

Blah.

I've tried but I just can't write about 17th Precinct anymore. It was going to be so great, and just.. I just can't. Let's just pretend, for now, that the whole project never happened and we weren't promised an awesome James-Jamie-Tricia reunion and a cool premise that might have been AMAZING, only to have it yanked out from under us. NBC sucks, and if  I didn't love Community, I'd boycott it.

A propos Community: couldn't James Callis join it? Pleeease? Just a thought. It's just his kind of humor. Well, technically, it's just my kind of humor, which may or may not be his kind. But I think he'd be awesome on that show.

What else? I guess nothing. I have no idea what's going to happen with James this year. He was going to be John Bosson - sniff! - and now just.. could be anyone. I mean, maybe a window will open up elsewhere and he will be in an amazing role. We just have to have faith.

And now if you'll excuse me, I'll go get drunk. There's always a risk that I send James some embarrassing messages while intoxicated, but that's a risk I have to take.

Dear "James Callis Penis" Searchers.

I hereby announce that I HAVE NO INFORMATION PERTAINING JAMES' PENIS, whether it be its size, shape, or whereabouts. I doubt any other site does either. Just saving you a lot of time. 

If you wish to ask James about his penis (not recommended), please direct all questionts to his twitter at http://twitter.com/jamescallis I assure you he knows more about the topic than do I. 

Also: LOL and he's not a porn actor, people. 

Thank you. 

I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW.

So it seems official: 17th PRECINCT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. Ever. The wise executives of NBC have decided that a show with James Callis, Jamie Bamber, AND Tricia Helfer is really too good to be true.

I am so mad right now, I will express my sentimets in this crudely drawn Paint "art"work. The grey represents the dullness of the TV landscape without 17th Precinct; the broken heart symbolizes my broken fan heart; and the ugly background color is a symbol for how annoying everything is right now. Also, my cat is very angry.

I'm so mad and disappointed, I can't even talk about it more right now. Mo ranting will probably follow.

Mr Tourist Goes to France..

There are some photos of James Callis on set of BBC's Merlin here! And I mean, look at him. "OMG I'm in France! There's a castle here! Let's see if I can get a good angle! These will be great for my holiday album!" Plus flirting with all the ladies on set, obviously. LOL!

I don't know how he always manages to look like he's not working, but having a fun holiday somewhere. I guess acting could be one of those jobs that don't feel like a job, especially if you're just guest starring and don't have a lot to film.

I'm not sure if he's in costume here or if these are his own clothes. They look a bit big on him, but then his clothes tend to, so go figure. (Also note: he's wearing a coat while the women are in T-shirts. Always cold. <3) The hair is still short and there's a minor mustache alert, with stubble. Handsome combination if you ask me. The belly looks slightly bulgy - slurp - but it's hard to tell. Unfortunately, due to my new job, I have to focus on other things and can't do proper analytics on his belly size and prize. Maybe another time. Sigh. No, I love my new job. It's just hard to focus sometimes when stuff is going on with James.

Les Nouvelles de James Callis

Il me faut écriver en francais, parce que James is in France filming BBC's Merlin! Awesome!

jamescallis James Callis In Merlin (UK) filming in France scenes with merlin and Gaius (!) and on a horse called Galactico!!! #comeoncoincidence!!!

Wow, that's like the hand of God guiding him to the role. Except that the horse's name is one letter off. God doesn't do typos.

This is the good Merlin, from what I hear. I haven't watched it, but I probably should. He's going to be in season four.

I like seeing James on a horse. It's pretty sexy and impressive. I mean the horse isn't sexy, just James is. But if the horse makes him sexier, does that make it pervy? OR will I see anything as sexy if it's connected to James?

Also, he's impressing people left and right with his French skills on Twitter, so check it out. Also what looks like Italian to me. He's really pretty good, and he clearly enjoys impressing people with it. J'espere qu'il mange beaucoup de croissants et baguettes. Et.. donuts, whatever that is in French.

The sad nouvelles is that it really sounds like NBC won't pick up 17th Precinct. I'm really hoping it's just a rumour, but if not, I will sulk and grump in another post. Glad to know James has work even if it doesn't happen. (But not with Jamie and Tricia :( )

Ramble Baubles, Part 1,000,000

I feel like I haven't written a real post post in a while. Not much is going on, of course, but that never used to stop me. I'm feeling down lately, and that also reflects into the fandom. Some of the joy is lost, but probably not for good. Also, I have the flu right now so if this post turns out to be super blah, it's just because of that.

I'm still very much NOT blah about James, though. Tumblr is proving a lot easier to post photos with, so I'm posting a couple per day over there. Also reblogging some beautiful artwork with James/James and Tricia. See it all at Fuck Yeah James Callis!

Soon we should have news about 17th Precinct, and I'm very hopeful that it will be picked up. If/WHEN it is, James will return to Vancouver to shoot next month, and there will be more delicious tidbits. I've purposefully not written a whole lot about the show so far. The thing is, I want to withhold my judgement until I've seen it or at least heard a little more about it. I'm a little unsure and nervous if I'll like it. I don't usually like police procedurals. But I do like James, Jamie and Tricia, and I like Ron's writing. I think I'll get a kick out of the magical elements too. So I'm cautiously optimistic still. It may not be my new favorite show OMG, so I'm trying to not be too pre-emptively gushy.

The good news is that James is very happy with the show, as told by Aaron Douglas:

theaarondouglas BTW. Spoke to James Callis, said 17th precinct was a great shoot & everything he hoped it would be. Check it out when it airs, gonna be gold

After BSG, James must have high expectations. We don't always have the same taste - Merlin?? - but he must hold Ron D. Moore up to a very high standard. This should be good.

Whether I like it or not, the show being picked up would be a great thing. It would mean more visibility, new fans, possibly more cons. It would mean lots of James and Jamie and Tricia being gorgeous together. From a less selfish perspective, it would mean that James gets to work with people he loves in a place he loves. So I'm really hoping for a green light here.

In the meantime, James has been tweeting a lot. His Twitter is everything I had hoped: funny, at times insightful, friendly. He doesn't spam with every minute detail of his life, and he doesn't get into fights with people. The tweets sound playful and down-to-earth. Some celebrity twitters are a bit, well, self-indulgent, and I never get that impression with James. (But then I may be biased. Maybe.) I enjoy reading his thoughts. I feel a bit nervous and jittery when he posts still, and I reply too much, but this too shall pass.

He's also a big fan of Radiohead, which is kind of cool. And odd. He can have fans and he can be a fan... which kind of means he's higher than us and Radiohead is higher than him? OR he's on the same level as us and also in the position of wanting to admire other people and their work? Hmmm. Sorry, I'm working on trying to bring him down to a more human level and not put him on a pedestal. It's not always easy for me. I tend to really get into things I love, and sometimes I need a reality check.

He hasn't put his foot in his mouth with some racist/sexist/etc. comment yet, so I'm starting to think he never will. I think he's actually really OK and accepting of other people. He's just human, so surely he has some bigoted notions and biased ideas, but he's smart enough to not tweet them. Sometimes actors, particularly comedians, dwell in the negative or offensive things, or they want to stir shit and say stuff that's "daring" and rude. The temptation might be quite high if you have a thousand followers. I respect James for not going that way. He has a beautiful mind. Am I putting him on a pedestal again? It's hard to tell.

There has been much request - or at least many searches - for "James Callis shirtless". There are no recent photos depicting him in such a delicious condition, but if you want to see some assorted BSG and Going Wrong goodies, look in my Tumblr, here. There are several pages. Some are just from his shoulders up, but there are several that show his lovely and somewhat hirsute torso too. Mm hmm. And I promise to keep adding screenshots in this category, too.

Some more search terms just for fun:
"james callis hair". I get a lot of these searches. Ah, the luscious mane! The lion's pride and horse's billowing-in-the-wind appendix. I know I've always been vocal about my love for his hair in all forms - perhaps too much so - and I do hope he won't go bald in the near future. If you wish to see pictures of his hair, see, well, every picture. But also the ones specifically tagged long hair or short hair.

"does James Callis smoke" - James Callis smokes, now don't you forget it.

"does james callis hate jamie bamber?" NO. They were very chummy on the set of 17th Precinct. See here. (Why should he hate Jamie? Or anyone, for that matter? I don't think he's the hating type.) They've always said what good friends they are, so I'd be very surprised if they suddenly fell out. And frankly, a little upset.

"James Callis always crying" - Umm, I don't think he is. Actually, I've never seen him cry off character. I imagine he's a touchy-feely guy, but it's not like he sits around weeping for no reason. If you mean on BSG, I think it's in part because he's so emotional and in part to humanize Baltar. He has the loveliest sad puppy eyes, doesn't he? Nicole made a great list of Baltar crying moments, but I can't find it for some reason. Maybe some linkage, Nicole?

"james callis weight" / "how much does james callis weigh"? You know what, get on Twitter and ask the maestro himself. If he doesn't like a question, he won't answer it. And I refuse to ask him, because he probably knows I'm horny about it, and it would be awkward. I'm not that curious about the number, actually, just his attitude on it. Not that it's any of my business, but then, what is?

Speaking of weight: "james callis thin"/"james callis skinny". It kind of varies. Usually, in the last couple of years, he is not skinny. Either way, don't worry, he's not anorexic or something. It's strange, I used to see him as very skinny before the donuts comment. I wonder how much of the chub I'm actually projecting and how much is there. For your own analysis, I refer you to the shirtless pictures linked above. Or perhaps the "tummy" tag.

"great Gaius Baltar quotes". I'm sure there's a site with some.. .let's see. If there isn't, I may have to make a post. Oh my, "Gaius Baltar thought of the day"? This is gold, Jerry, gold! Most of my favorites are already in there. I'd add "Oh my god, oh my giddy aunt!", "No, I haven't done anything!" (when asked "Are you Gaius Baltar?") and... Hmmm. I should really make some posts/tumbls about my favorites. Tumblr has gotten me into a major Gaius Baltar fangirl mood again.

"men pissing" - sorry, wrong blog. 

"finnish blog fandom james callis" - right blog. Unless you be hatin'. 

"hot girl standing next to paint horse" - wait, what?