Mustenland?

OMG people. LOOK AT THIS. James Callis posted this photo on Twitpic yesterday and I can't even.

Colonel Moustache

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :D :D :D :D :D
I was gonna joke at him at some point that if he's an old-timey gentleman, he needs those moustaches with the ends twirling up. Well, apparently he's got it!!! Also, LOL at "trailer trashistrocracy" :D I love his puns so much.

If he looks like this on the movie, I don't know. Very nice outfit and dignified, but that moustache! And even the sideburns, I mean look at them. Are they glued on? Is the moustache real? I will have some real trouble taking this seriously. Hehhehhee.

Other news from twitter:

mrbonturcode Bradley Porter 

@ 

@VMShorts Always. On set at the moment as Bret McKenzie is giving r&b dance lessons to Jane Seymour, JJ Feild & JamesCallis. Friday feeling

Sounds like they're having a lot of fun! :)

Also, author Shannen Hale reports:

 After one very cute and sweet actor shared some chocolate with me, I felt I had to report it to my husband, because hey, he was cute and British and he gave me chocolate!

 I choose to believe this was James. It just sounds like a James thing to do; eating chocolate AND sharing it? Swooon and gushhh (but only tentative ones in case it turns out it was Bret or Rupert instead!).


I'm also happy to hear they've been ad libbing. It might make for a nice genuine feel and allow James to build up Colonel Andrews a bit. The film really sounds pretty promising.

Ahhh *fantasizes about sharing chocolate with James, but then remembers the moustache and starts to giggle again* hihihihi.. :D

James Callis Shirtless Ideas

I get so many "James Callis shirtless" searches lately that I have decided to post a few gratuitously shirtless movie/tv show ideas for him. With pictures of him shirtless thrown in. No need to thank me; I aims to please.

"Oh no... I think the fangirls are objectifying me again!"


Shirt Free.
Hillbilly couple Jimbob (James Callis) and Trishlene (Tricia Helfer) decide to become hippies. They take their shirts off and wander around in the wild, putting flowers in their hair and singing stupid songs about going shirt free. Their arch enemy is Rody (Edward James Olmos), an angry old chief of police who hates nudity of all kinds, yet can't turn his eyes away from it. Their friend Ostrich (Jamie Bamber) is always at hand to join in the shirtlessness, as well as take shirt-free photos of them. This sitcom will run for eighteen seasons, despite being extremely formulaic. In each episode, they are almost but not quite caught by Rody, and Ostrich takes a series of sexy photos of them.

Some dialogue:
Jimbob: Golly, it's mighty fine going without a shirt! (ruffles chest hairs)
Trishlene: Oh yeppers. (ruffles boobs)
Ostrich: I done me a picture series that done been very sexy. I will get some cash for these. Yeehaw!
Rody: FREEZE!!!!
Jimbob: Oy, not him again. (puts shirt on)
Trishlene (puts shirt on, reluctantly)
Rody: YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR... wait a minute, where's your shirtless bodies?
Jimbob: Them's under them shirts.
Trishlene: Them. (points at boobs)
Rody: Hot fidgety fudge!!! *stomps ground in a comedic fashion*

Chest to Chest. 
What if shirts had never been invented? What if people just rubbed lotion on themselves and each other to keep warm- and safe? This horror drama explores such a sexy but dangerous world. Fyvush (James Callish) and Driwsha (Trisha Helfer) are starring, among others. Oh let's be honest, it's the entire BSG cast with no shirts to speak of.
Fyvush: Honey? Time to get up.
Driwsha: Mmmh. I had a beautiful dream that there were no chest-eaters. We just ran around happily with no fear.
Fyvush: But it was only a dream. The reality is, they are out there...
(looks out the window. A futuristic, poorly CGI'ed bird-beast stares back and licks its lips.
Fyvush: Ugh. (cuddles his chest)
Driwsha: Don't worry, sweetheart. We'll just rub this repellent lotion on ourselves and each other.
(30 minutes of lotion-rubbing in slow motion)
Bird-beast: GAWKK!!! (flies away from the smell of the repellent)
Fyvush: We finally found the right smell to repel them.
Driwsha: Too bad it's the smell of shit. But hey, you get used to everything.
(The TV turns on by itself)
Fyvush: We gotta fix that thing.
Reporter: A chest-eater mauled a young woman to death today in city chest. It was later found to be a suicide. The 25-year-old woman had left a note saying, "I cannot stand the smell anymore." She was a notable model and studied medicine... (Picture of the woman; Katee Sackhoff)
Driwsha: Oh my chest. Such a pointless death!
Fyvush: That's it! I will find a lotion that smells better than shit!

A chest-eater!!! Honestly how creepy is that?! (Toby says it just looks cute and I'm too easily scared. Maybe he's just scarred from playing too many Silent Hill games. It's HELLA SCARY.)




34t My 541rt.
(eat my shirt)
This ground-breaking idea explores a world that is exactly like the internet. People of all sizes keep stopping for sexy posing, while the jealous troll them relentlessly. The dialogue goes into many directions, but someone always mentions Hitler.
(beginning screen) You must be 18 or over to proceed. Please click YES if you are and NO if you are not.
(invisible hand clicks YES) We're not sure we believe you. But wtf ever, how could we tell?
(Street. Regular-looking people walk around. Among them - Jimbyc (James Callis) and trutricia (Tricia Helfer). People randomly stop to pose shirtless, sometimes pantsless.)
Jimbyc (takes his shirt off and gives some sexy poses.) (He could gain some weight for this role. Just an idea.)
Troll: LOL U R fat
Jimbyc: LOL Shut up haters u just jelous
Trutricia: F U stop being rude to my boyfriend he's rily hot u not
Troll: WTF is this Nazi Germany u just want ppl to say u r hot f u both
Troll 2: Show ur b00bs
Trutricia: (shows them)
Troll 2: w00t [CENSORED]
Jimbyc: WTF Shut up u perv its my gf u r talkin 2

I could go on forever, but I think I'll stop here. I hope you were turned on, I sure was.

A Slight Alleviation. (James Callis in Austenland)

So I dunno. I'm not going to say that I will LOVE this thing, because I probably won't. BUT.

-If you do a search, dozens of blogs are already squeeing over this film. It's all over the net. People are going to watch this. People are going to watch James. So it might not be the main role or anything, but he's at least VISIBLE to the great audience again. Some will watch for Stephenie Meyer (sigh), others will watch for Keri Russell, some because they love the book or Colin Firth. So it's visibility, and all visibility is good for his career.

-James' role is Colonel Andrews, according to this link, which is Shannon Hale's personal blog, so we can be pretty sure it's accurate. There's a preview of Austenland here, and browsing through it, I found Colonel Andrews on page 27 and on. There are fairly many scenes with him; he's an OLD-TIMEY BRITISH GENTLEMAN, just like I hoped. Swooon!!!! I want to see this! James is so good for the part of a gentleman, because well, even off character, he is. He may be down-to-earth and a bit clumsy and awkward sometimes, but always polite, and in some way very British. So it at least sounds like a fitting role and one I can enjoy watching.

-Colonel Andrews is described as "fair-haired, with a decent set of shoulders and a very ready smile". Fair-haired?! I wonder if they've given up on that or if James will dye his hair. Also, he is said to emit a "whiff of tobacco", which is fitting too. So maybe we get to see him smoke again!

That's about it. I must admit I couldn't read the book; I can't focus on this kind of fiction. I fear I sound like a snob now, I do enjoy entertainment, just not of the chick lit kind. However, I have no idea how much bearing the book will have on the actual film; Bridget Jones's Diary, while entertaining enough, was a terrible adaptation that took away the best scenes and shrunk the best characters into the margin. So reading the book might actually not warm me to the film at all. Maybe it's best to just know what part James will play and look forward to gentlemanly charm. I do find Keri Russell charming and a good actor, so that's also a plus.

I guess you could say I don't have "great expectations" for this film. Heh heh. Wait, no, that's Dickens. I'm approaching this film with too much "pride and prejudice". See? That works! I am clever! I should totally write a chick lit novel about a girl who obsesses over James Callis.

James Callis to be in "Austenland". (AKA I'm Sorry But.)

So James will appear in "Austenland", a rom-com about a woman who's obsessed with Colin Firth's Mr Darcy (who's apparently not called Mark except in Bridget Jones - so much for my classical literature education ;)). It's an adaptation of a book by Shannon Hale, starring Keri Russell. Brief article here.

I'll start with the good: it sounds like a mainstream film that WILL make it to Finland, so I can actually go see him in the cinema and buy the DVD. Yay for that! The premise sounds like it could be interesting, book adaptations tend to be better than run of the mill rom-coms, and I do like Keri Russell. (And Colin Firth, assuming he appears in the film at least in some way.)

But the bad... Oh, dear. OK, I'll just say this now, before I know more about the film: I'm a huge James Callis fan, but that comes second seat to my politics. I'm a feminist, and rom-coms exhibit all things I hate about modern "women's culture": they're shallow, feminist on the surface but patriarchal in the core, terribly dated and stereotypical, and what's worst of all, totally unfunny. I've seen a couple I liked, but there's a big chance I will not like this film. And I'm sorry, but I will gripe in that case. If I think it's a waste of my time and James' talent, I will gripe. I'll try not to make the posts ALL about that, but I won't make totally unpolitical gushery posts if I'm not feeling it. The only thing that will stop me from griping, if it's anything like other rom-coms I've seen, is if a) James is fat or b) he gets to play a really charming, funny, sexy gentleman (a well-written one). Preferably both. I know, boring feminist grouch, but there it is. (I wouldn't apologize if this were my personal blog, but I always feel like a fan blog should be a little more for the other fans, and I've already made it so much about me. But I am what I am.)

Also: SUPPORTING cast. In a rom-com. If this is another Bridget Jones's Diary, I will just... I mean, I know some good actors (Colin Firth) have done a bunch of rom-coms of varying quality. Maybe I'm biased because I'm just a big ol' fangirl but James is talented. He's smart, he brings a world of emotion into his roles, he's handsome, he has it all. He could be doing main roles, serious movies, genuinely funny comedies, Charlie Kaufman or David Lynch or something like that. It troubles me when he's cast like this, mentioned last in a Stephenie Meyer project. Is there something I'm missing? Is it his accent? His height? His lack of buffness? The fact that BSG was popular only in nerd circles? Or maybe he's just happy doing this kind of thing and doesn't want the stress and fame that would come with a bigger role. Maybe I'm taking him too seriously again and I need a new hobby.

On the other hand, he was going to be working on 17th Precinct, and probably passed by some other roles because that was his first choice. So maybe there's more good stuff coming later.

All of that said, I will give "Austenland" a try, and if it's good, address a full and frank apology for suspecting it sucks. (But can you blame me? Stephenie Meyer, Nacho Libre writer.)

Incy Wincy James Callis Came Climbing Up the Wall

Taken at Pierrefonds on May 10th, 2011. At 1 minute: James Callis climbs the wall of the castle. It's fascinating to see how this happens. What surprises me is how many people are constantly there while a scene is being filmed. And they're all so quiet.

Have you ever wondered how they film rain scenes? Apparently they just use a big hose to create it. And when someone has to climb the wall? He has a LADDER. He makes it look like a lot of work. And OK, hanging in that position and being rained on, it probably is, but so much for the magic of cinema! I've never watched Merlin, but I'm intrigued to see why James climbs up the wall and what happens inside the castle. I know he filmed many inside scenes, so we'll see!

In the scene with the horses (near the end), you can see someone who MAY be James with a white horse. I really can't tell if it's him. After staring at his pictures so much, I really should be able, but all I can say from such a distance is that it could conceivably be James. Maybe. (I have the same problem with his figure, the clothes are really bulgy and hangy. Hmmm.)

I also think it's adorable how that guy - Colin Morgan? - is kissing his horse in the end. So cute.

Edit: Oh, and where are my manners? Original video here, big thanks to JulesVids!

Fan Musings o' the Moment

I posted this on my LJ already, but it belongs here too, I reckon. How I'm feeling about fandom right now. Short version: I'm feeling well. 

I was randomly James Callis-browsing as usual, and finding nothing new. (I have this theory that a fan can exhaust all the good hits on Google in two years. It's based on my own bitter experience.) There was a mention about him being smaller than on the show, though, and it made me think. 

Maybe they meant shorter and not thinner (isn't he plenty thin in most people's eyes already?), but it made me think. When I met the fat guy in Ace of Base, he didn't seem all that fat. What's more, the fatness kind of didn't matter, because he was THERE and human. He seemed... flat in some way, stripped of his idol-greatness. Granted, this happened after my fandom sort of withered to death, so I might still see James as idol-great.

I always thought it might be super disappointing to meet him, because I had built up this image. Like I'd realize that image is totally bogus, and it'd be shattered, and I would be left with an admiration for some vague guy I don't even know. 

But in one way, I'm already meeting him on Facebook and Twitter. (By which I mean, mostly, seeing him.) I saw him flattening when I first read his posts. It was weird. It was like, "he's really there, tweeting, right now". And it meant - he's human in a way I hadn't considered. He's got a computer or phone or whatever, he's typing - and not always correctly - and that sort of puts him on even keel with me. I'm not sure why, but it does. He has more followers than me, but it's not like a JamesCallis template, it's just him posting on a regular site. 

But it wasn't a disappointing sort of flattening. For a while, I felt sad that we're really not friends and probably never going to be; it was like that was suddenly clear to me in a new way. But I realize that I might not be able to handle constant close contact anyway. There's no rejection in not being friends, nothing personal. There's also no pressure; I can talk to him when I feel like it, he won't block me or be rude about my feelings. He might not always respond, but I know he can see it, and sometimes I just want to be seen by him. (I'm not sure why, and I worry that's a kind of neediness, but I can't help this.) 

I haven't been disappointed in James. It's like the good things I admire are still there, more so than I had expected. He may not be larger than life, but he's a good guy, and funny, and kind. He's interesting to follow. The surprise is that imaginary James - is still there. I can still coo over his belly, feel like I know him and we share a special bond, and I can blog from this angle, but I can't talk at him like that. It's just a different mindspace. 

There are two Jameses: the real him, who's a little more distant, someone I don't quite know; and the imaginary guy, who I can mold to whatever needs I have at the moment. He held my hand when I was severely depressed; he laughs at my jokes and eats with me and all that. If I don't need him, he's not there. 

I can't ask anything of the real James, and I need to remember the constraints of the fan-idol thing, the constraints of his limited time. I have a certain respect for him that I don't have for the guy in my head. The real James doesn't share a telepathic connection with me, but it's somehow better, because it's always surprising what he ends up saying and when. I also enjoy the spectator role, the friendly distance between him and fans. 

What disappeared is the Evil Idol. I don't remember if I wrote about this before, but when you see your idol as ideal, you know it's gotta be false, so your mind creates an alternative image, the Evil James who hates fat girls in general and me in particular; someone who really thinks my blog sucks and wants nothing to do with me and blocked me on Facebook blah blah. The flattening seemed to happen on THAT end. 

Why did the evil image disappear? Probably because I see on Twitter how many people are talking to him, how many people want a piece of his time. He only has 24 hours a day like other people, and he has a super busy job, travels a lot, and has three kids. Is he going to have time to dissect every word people say about him and look for possible insults? Would he want to use his precious time on reading a blog he hates? Would he really choose to hate on a fan or fat girls in general or anything like that? The answer is obviously no. 

Also, he has never once stepped in it and said something rude that upset people. By which I mean, he's never been openly sexist/racist/ableist/whatever else. He's not spewing bigoted jokes or uneducated opinions about things he knows nothing about. He really sounds friendly in his tweets; and deep-thinking; and like someone who just wants to live and let live. I'll admit I'm very easily offended, so this is an achievement. It must mean he's either unusually kind and non-judgemental, or unusually good at judging what to say and when. Either way, epic win. 

For better or worse, I'm not a huge part of his life. James might or might not have an idea of me, as separate from the other fans, simply because I talked to/about him so much. That idea might be negative, but really, it's more likely to be positive or neutral. Hate takes a lot of mental energy, and his attitude on people is generally benevolent. He doesn't have unlimited time to ponder on me and my feelings for him. If he ever chooses to talk to me, or read my blog, I can take that as a huge compliment. Because he considers me worth his time. 

Spam, Spam, Spam, Wonderful Spam!

You know, spam can take many forms, and I often find it highly amusing. I found this "blog" where "James Callis" (might be their real name, or might be using our James's name in vain - blasphemy!) writes about various products he's tested and is happy with. It's all so amusingly NOT James's style. I mean, look at this:

My friend showed me this video game called Angry Birds, and it is surprisingly entertaining.

I know he has an iPhone, but I don't think James would ever say it like this. "This game called Angry Birds"? He would assume everyone already knows what it is and he's late for the party. He'd say something like "Finally tried Angry Birds - I guess an old dog - can learn - new tricks - t.g. 4 the iphone! xxx" 


Also, since James has a 2-year-old, it's good to hear they're finally getting her a crib, and a stroller, and some other essential child goods. His spouse is really on top of this kind of thing, apparently. Heh heh. I can't imagine a tweet here, because he doesn't tweet about his private life, and only obsessive baby parents describe this stuff anyway. 


But the one most amusing to me, for obvious reasons, is this weight loss-related one. 

There are lots of different diet programs on the market, however I am leaning towards ones which reduce the carbohydrates to help lose weight. Most of these make the most sense in my opinion because I’m able to understand that the majority of the foods I take in have a lot of empty carbs without any vitamins and minerals

I guess he's finally mending his donut-loving ways, LOL! I'd think he was always able to understand their nutritional value though. 


I could imagine how he would write if he were to embark on a valiant weight loss journey. Actually, I can't really, because my own fantasies get in the way and it gets way too detailed and descriptive (exactly what his belly looks and feels like, etc.) I think he'd just be self-deprecating and brief. Or would he even tweet about it? Probably he would not. 


One thing's for sure, though: he wouldn't write about this stuff just to endorse a product. 

James Callis Birthday Pix. (Linx.)

I'm having a James' birthday bash over at Tumblr where there will be lots of new and old pictures. The old ones are mostly from the Unofficial Website though, browse their photo gallery, it's amazing. James was very young and cheekboney. I think he looks better nowadays but I can't put my finger on why. More wisdom? More confidence? Even more kindness? He looked kinda young and insecure here still. But he really hasn't changed much in 20 years. No wait, it's only fifteen years since the first photos.

Also, Janine posted a bunch of James Eureka promo shots and he looks amazing! Link here.

I might as well link again to the latest pix we have of him, on the set of BBC's Merlin. So the age has brought a couple of lines (adorable) around his eyes, a bit more chub (even adorabler) and not much else.

What will the future bring? Hopefully more chub. Seriously though, I can see him only getting better as an actor as he has more life experience. I just hope he gets roles that are worthy of his talents. And I hope him happiness and good health and lots of joy. Oh f, I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

James Callis' Birthday (40th); A Formal Greeting and Congratulation

Ahem. Dear Mr. Callis, it has come to our attention that thou - thee? - you are celebrating thine - thorne? - 40th birthday today. We are taking this with the utmost seriousness, and thus have composed for thee - thou? - a poem that goes thus:

Ah!
Each time I lay eyes onto you
My heart doth stoppeth.
For it is in the gentle forms and slopes
of your form
That I
cometh.

Ahem. Yes, sometimes on times like these, we have a tendency to get overly, well, stimulated. Perhaps it is best to device a new poem, this time more appropriate.

Thy beauty fills the Earth and skies
And rivers, lakes beneath it;
Ah, how fans wish they could device
a machine with which to repeat it;
So then we could jump onto thee
and...

Perhaps it is the poetic format here that is making the... lack of ... or the excessive... Let us attempt in a more contemporary, jocular style.

You are turning 40
The fans are getting horny
Today is your birthday
So make it your girth day
Eat lots of donuts
..something something gonads?

Oh for f's sake! Can't I write something NORMAL and non-horny! This bugs me.

My fandom, my fandom,
it makes my heart explode.
It's not any of your fault,
but I still want you to know.

What the fuck was that?!

You bring so many people joy,
don't ever stop being a little boy
at heart and soul and imagination
continue to create and seek elation.

Hmmm, bland yet boring. But it's not creepy. This is a step in the right direction.

I think I thought of just the perfect thing to say. Ahem:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAMES!
You are the wind beneath my wings,
the apple of my eye,
the whiskey in my brandy,
the stretch marks on my thigh;
the wind in my willows
the fluff in my pillows
the wuthers of my heights,
the power of my lights;
my failure to comply,
my tendency to lie,
my rifle of the night,
my sorrow shining bright;
my grown up teenage dream-a,
my Anna Karenina,
my heart.

*sniff* that was beautiful. I'm happy now.

Blah.

I've tried but I just can't write about 17th Precinct anymore. It was going to be so great, and just.. I just can't. Let's just pretend, for now, that the whole project never happened and we weren't promised an awesome James-Jamie-Tricia reunion and a cool premise that might have been AMAZING, only to have it yanked out from under us. NBC sucks, and if  I didn't love Community, I'd boycott it.

A propos Community: couldn't James Callis join it? Pleeease? Just a thought. It's just his kind of humor. Well, technically, it's just my kind of humor, which may or may not be his kind. But I think he'd be awesome on that show.

What else? I guess nothing. I have no idea what's going to happen with James this year. He was going to be John Bosson - sniff! - and now just.. could be anyone. I mean, maybe a window will open up elsewhere and he will be in an amazing role. We just have to have faith.

And now if you'll excuse me, I'll go get drunk. There's always a risk that I send James some embarrassing messages while intoxicated, but that's a risk I have to take.