James Callis on Portlandia

I know this has been online for a week or so, but I wasn't able to view it for some reason. So I've been grumpy and keeping out of the discussion (thanks to Nicole for screenshots and description though!). But now, through not entirely legal means, I have seen the episode and it was beautiful!

For those unfamiliar with the show, Portlandia is a sketch comedy with observational humor. Based on this episode, I really liked it. There are some pretty funny skits on bad tattoos (featuring Eddie Vedder), an artisan knot maker (Jeff Goldblum), and an allergy pride parade. The James part is at the very end, where BSG-obsessed Doug and Claire have gathered together James, Edward James Olmos, Ron D. Moore (who's just some black guy with the same name), and a "local actor", played by the real Ron D. Moore. They do a table read of "one moore episode", and the hilarious part for me is how excited James is to just play along and please the fans. He's basically playing himself, Nicest Guy in the World.

Eddie, on the other hand, is visibly uncomfortable and openly grudging about his role in all of this. He even gets up to leave at some point. The script is a bit ridiculous, including lines like "I need you here, now get out of here!" The "local actor" pronounces "frak" as "frayk". Even James has some issues with the script, although he's nice about it: "Do I just repeat 'you gotta listen'?"

Then - the fake Ron Moore's wife comes home, unhappy to find all of the strange people still there. Dramatic drums, zoom-ins on everyone's face. James breaks the tension: "I've got an idea, something we can all do together to relax. Are you familiar with Dr Who?" And then they watch Dr Who, and Eddie falls asleep, and they all agree to watch one more episode.

Also, James is pretty frakking handsome in this, with long hair and some kind of facial hair stuff. And he wears shorts. (And he drinks Coke I think, and you can kinda see his belly when he's sitting on the sofa, and it's all very sexy.)

Oh goodie, it's already on Youtube!



With many thanks to CZDeus.

Gaius Baltar in "Carol Brown"

Awesome fan video by nicole_anell - Gaius Baltar and all his women, set to Carol Brown by Flight of the Conchords.

I don't have much to add to this, except - damn, I wanna hit that. Hard. I'm note even sure if I mean James or just the fragile body of Gaius frakking Baltar.

Also... There were many beautiful moments in Galactica, weren't there? As in genuinely sweet moments, and really sexy ones, and just visually awesome ones. Despite the fact that most of these relationships were frakked up in one way or another, seeing them in this way is just - beautiful. I love this show so, so much.

BSG Secret

The LJ community Twelvecolonies hosted a BSG secrets contest. Here's my entry, which came third in "funniest" :) It's Caprica Six to Gaius Baltar, of course.

I know it looks kinda crappy - I need a scanner or tablet, and I should have cropped it - but I'm proud of it. I won't link because it's members only, but I can be public about my entry now. It was fun to make this.

I may want to make some other visual things with James/Baltar theme. Maybe. I've never done visual stuff before, so it's encouraging to place the first time. So yay for me! And thanks to the voters :)

Gaius Baltar Minus Head Six

Has everybody seen Garfield Minus Garfield? It's pretty brilliant, taking the annoying punchlines and dialogue out makes Garfield kinda... depressing. Yet sorta GOOD. Jon Arbuckle is totally depressed and delusional. And as such, both funny and relatable.

Here's the latest thing from the lovely and talented Robyn E. Kenealy: GAIUS BALTAR MINUS HEAD SIX. Now of course, Baltar is already funny AND depressing, yet this somehow manages to be hilarious. Maybe it's the thinking pose and the fact that, well, whatever facet of Gaius' life you bring into it, he's been a pretty colossal failure. It's depressing yet funny! Why so?

The photos are snaggable, and she also sent me the template. The options are endless! (I may try one myself once I get my Paint to make proper text on photos... Or get a better program.)

Gaius Baltar: "Everybody Loves Me"

OMG awesome! Jesuit24, who made the Gabriel McDow "Can't Touch This" vid, has made a Baltar video. I'm in love with this style - the use of closeups is remarkable. You don't see a lot of fanvids that actually have their own style, so it's special.

Also, great song choice, LOL! Very Baltar.

Can't Touch This!

I've hoped someone would make a video of Gabriel McDow with MC Hammer's Can't Touch This, and here it is! Made by Jesuit24. I must say I'm impressed with the editing.

James Callis doing the Gabriel tics and gestures is adorable, but a video cutting and looping those same gestures is just UNBEARABLY cute. (L)!!!

(My only nitpick: the guy at the very beginning is actually Mark Benford (Joseph Fiennes), pretending to be Gabriel. But it makes for an explosive beginning, so maybe I'll allow it. ;) )

Edit: Oh frak. It seems like the layout doesn't allow for wide videos. I don't know how to fix this, so um, if it's not altogether enjoyable here, just watch it on Youtube.

"Emissary From Another World". Read It.

A while back, Robyn E. Kenealy contacted me about a Baltar/Six novel she had written called Emissary From Another World. I read the whole thing and it's brilliant, just brilliant. It's a fantasy of what Gaius and Six's life may have been like after the finale - but it's written in a painfully realistic way, with lots of emotion and deep thought. It really goes beyond fan fiction. Gaius Baltar is not an easy character to write about, but I think Robyn has him to a T - pompous, guilty, lecherous, ridiculous, childish, caring, cowardly, brave, he's everything he was on the show.

I told her to send it to a frakking publisher (although I'm not sure how it would work if Gaius Baltar is a registered trademark of Universal or whatever). She prefers to publish it pro bono in blog form, with some selected illustrations. So here it is.

Do read it if you like Baltar, or Caprica Six, or good fiction. It's going to be published one entry at a time, so it's a bit like a diary blog for Gaius. If you can imagine him writing one in the New Earth while living a rustic farmer's life. (OK, it doesn't make sense, but even Betty Draper from the 1960's has a Twitter account, so let's allow modern-day artists some levity with medium.)

Robyn discusses her obsession with Baltar in the "About this project" section (note the hilarious ad for Baltar's self-improvement classes!)

I’m still not entirely sure whether this identification with Baltar is the epicentre of my obsession. I know it has something to do with it, but I can’t help feeling more. In short, something is happening here, and I don’t know what it is. All I know is I wanted to write about it. And I didn’t want to write against it, I wanted to write inside it. I wanted to see how I was putting this obsession together. This seemed like the right way.

Actually, some of this comes close to what I'm doing with this blog. (especially if you substitute Baltar for "James Callis".) I can't write as James, and I have to be careful because he's a real person out there somewhere. But I'm writing from inside my own obsession and fantasy about him, hoping it will be relatable to others too. Now I brought it back to me and my own fandom, but Robyn's writing will do that - she always makes me deep-think myself and my own mind.

Or maybe it's because fandom really has a common thread of living inside a character or (the fantasy of) a celebrity? Gaius is especially good for this, because while he's difficult to write about, he's very relatable as a character. Few (if any) of us would like to be him, but many viewers grew to like him and see a reflection of ourselves.

Picspam: "Lay Down Your Burdens, Part I & II"

Gaius: I am going to lose.

Six: Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?

Gaius: No. Shut up.

Six: Nothing a little seduction can't fix...

Gaius: No! I need my blood in my brain.

Six: Gaius. It is blasphemy to not have sex when God ordains it. But for now... *slams his head in the desk* I'll spare you.

Tom Zarek: You OK, Gaius..?

Gaius: Yes! Yes! OK! I'm OK! Just lying my head on the table, thinking!

Tom: *to himself* Geniuses...

Laura: I'm going to win today, you know that, right?

Gaius: Your mother is, but what am I?

Laura: Huh?

Gaius: ..so fat. Your mother is so fat. Me being skinny means that.. eh..

Laura: You are so going down.

Gaius: *gulp*

Gaius: (reads) "Dr Baltar may be a brilliant scientist and have sexy luscious hair" - true, but hear what comes after that: "..but his political views fail to convince, and his 'knock knock' jokes just don't work in this context."

Tom: Well, that's a rough start, but come on. Chin up! Always look on the bright side of life! Dada, tada tada tada...

Gaius: Oh thank you so much Tom! That made me feel all better. Maybe GOD will stretch down his mighty hand and win me this race, how about that?

Tom: You mean gods?

Gaius: Right. Gods. Ahem.

Next: GOD helps the fleet find a PLANET. Gaius doesn't think very much of it but Tom thinks it's the key to his victory, because Laura doesn't want them to settle on the planet.

Gaius: Are you serious? This planet is cold and arid and nothing will grow there!

Tom: So what? People want to live there, they will vote for you.

HeadSix: Listen to him, Gaius. He has great ideas. Plus I have a total crush on him.

Tom: Mmm... Weird, did it get hot in here?

Gaius: You know what, if people are dumb enough to move there, let's give them what they want, huh?

Tom: That's the spirit.

Gaius: "[obvious political bullshit that people eat up because it's what they want to hear]"

People: Yay! We love you Gaius!

Gaius: M-Madam President..? I was expecting someone else... (thinks: thank god I didn't expose my glow-in-the-dark speedo yet!)

Laura: I'm sorry, that lusty note was from me.

Gaius: Heh, well I think right before the election is not the time to...

Laura: Eww, no! I wanted us to have a private talk without the press finding out.

Gaius: (disappointed) Fine, be deceptive... So what do you want?

Laura: This planet. We don't want to just settle onto it. We want to research it and find stuff out. So I say let's take it out of the presidential election and make the decision later. I'm appealing your sense of patriotism.

Gaius: My sense of PAT-riotism is very good. Thank you very much for ahsking. I don't know about you, but *I* say things the British way! And I see it as my DUTY to lead my people to a new land, to freedom! To be the great leader of the new millennium!

Laura: Oh my god, you've gone insane.

Gaius: No, you have. How dare you mix filthy politics into an issue of FREEDOM and LIBERTY and PATRIOTISM! By the way - Laura - once we're done with the election, I can meet you in private ANY time.

Laura: By the by, I saw you with a tall, blonde woman on Caprica. Was she a cylon? Are you with cylons?

Six: She knows, Gaius. LIE! And for god's sake try not to look guilty!

Gaius: This is just ridiculous. Do you have any idea how many tall, blonde women I've had - even after coming onto this fleet?

Six: Good. Now go.

Gaius: And your mother is so fat...

Six: Oh no, just quit while you're ahead.

Gaius *runs away like a scared little boy*

Laura (thinks) I may just have to kill you in your sleep.

Against all odds, Gaius LOSES the ELECTION.

Tom: Gaius. This election is fixed. I can tell a fixed one when I see one.

Gaius: You know, I can't see Laura doing that. Kill me in my sleep, maybe - suck the life out of me with her gaze - possibly even stab me and leave me to bleed... But do something dishonest? No. Never.

Elsewhere...

Felix Gaeta: Hey, these are the wrong ballots! The real ballots have Dr Baltar's name spelled wrong. I should know, after writing "Dr Felix Baltar" in my notebook so many times.. eh, I mean...

Tigh: *grumps* Just let me handle this, OK? You run along. *acts shiftily*

Felix: Hmmm...

Felix, who was a total CRUSH on BALTAR, refuses to let things lie and lets Adama know about THIS. (Why am I doing this random caps thing? It stopped making sense ages ago.)

Bill Adama: What happened, Laura? Did they do this without your knowledge?

Laura: Bill, I had to do something. He tried to come onto me. And he told "your mother is so fat" jokes. It was either that or kill him in his sleep.

Bill: Laura, I know he's horribly embarrassing. But we can't stoop to his level.

Laura: Sniff... I know, but come on, *I* should be president! I'm the hero!

Bill: Yes, you are. Which is why we have to be honorable and lose and let him be the villain he's meant to be.

Gaius: I think it's very strange that someone happened to rig the election in Roslin's favor! As President, I demand an investigation!

Adama: Listen, she may have done something fishy, but she's still the hero and you're the villain so take your presidency and shut up!

We interrupt the sillinness to bring you some really depressing, tragic scenes.

Gaius wants to be together with Gina on New Caprica. But Gina is not coming there. Look at the eyes on these two. Puppy eyes Gaius and Gina so broken yet strong with her no. (L)!!!

And so Gina kills herself and Cloud Nine with her, while Baltar gives his presidential vows. And I have nothing funny to say about this. Even Adama seems to feel kind of sorry for him. No HeadSix, nothing in his empty room. He is alone.

Ron D Moore: "I'm a genius!"

David Eick: "What is it now?"

RDM: "Well, I just thought of how we can smoothly transition from this scene to one year later!"

DE: "Really, how?"

RDM: "We'll zoom in on Baltar's hair, zoom out and write a caption that says ONE YEAR LATER!"

DE: "OMG! You're a genius!"

RDM: "I know!! And you know what would be even cooler? If Baltar doesn't wash his hair at all during that year."

DE: "You are so brilliant. I'm in awe."

RDM: "Me too."

Hookers (in unison): Morning Mr President! Last night was wonderful!

Gaius: Eh...who the fr.. I mean.. thank you, it was my pleasure! ..I think. Where are my drugs? (takes drugs)

Felix: (despisingly) Morning, Mr President.

Gaius: (with equal disdain but way less right to feel that way) You again. What do you want?!

Felix: It's your JOB, Mr President. You promised to meet some people. They're out of medicine and...

Gaius: Oh for frak's sake!! I do so much for these people. Do I not, Felix?

Felix: No.

Gaius: (not listening) Exactly! I slave away here and all they do is complain about the weather!

Felix: Sir, I think you'll find that...

Gaius: Did I ask for your opinion?

Felix: (sighs rather like Kif) No...

Gaius: Shut up then. And tell the union leaders I will have everyone killed unless they listen to me! You're dismissed. Hooker to the left, please expose your boobs.

And so cylons find New Caprica and take it over. Gaius sees HeadSix again, perhaps after a long pause. And then he meets Caprica Six again after a really long pause. I don't have anything particularly funny to say about this, but OMG JAMES AND TRICIA 4EVAH!!!!11