Mustenland?

OMG people. LOOK AT THIS. James Callis posted this photo on Twitpic yesterday and I can't even.

Colonel Moustache

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :D :D :D :D :D
I was gonna joke at him at some point that if he's an old-timey gentleman, he needs those moustaches with the ends twirling up. Well, apparently he's got it!!! Also, LOL at "trailer trashistrocracy" :D I love his puns so much.

If he looks like this on the movie, I don't know. Very nice outfit and dignified, but that moustache! And even the sideburns, I mean look at them. Are they glued on? Is the moustache real? I will have some real trouble taking this seriously. Hehhehhee.

Other news from twitter:

mrbonturcode Bradley Porter 

@ 

@VMShorts Always. On set at the moment as Bret McKenzie is giving r&b dance lessons to Jane Seymour, JJ Feild & JamesCallis. Friday feeling

Sounds like they're having a lot of fun! :)

Also, author Shannen Hale reports:

 After one very cute and sweet actor shared some chocolate with me, I felt I had to report it to my husband, because hey, he was cute and British and he gave me chocolate!

 I choose to believe this was James. It just sounds like a James thing to do; eating chocolate AND sharing it? Swooon and gushhh (but only tentative ones in case it turns out it was Bret or Rupert instead!).


I'm also happy to hear they've been ad libbing. It might make for a nice genuine feel and allow James to build up Colonel Andrews a bit. The film really sounds pretty promising.

Ahhh *fantasizes about sharing chocolate with James, but then remembers the moustache and starts to giggle again* hihihihi.. :D

James Callis Shirtless Ideas

I get so many "James Callis shirtless" searches lately that I have decided to post a few gratuitously shirtless movie/tv show ideas for him. With pictures of him shirtless thrown in. No need to thank me; I aims to please.

"Oh no... I think the fangirls are objectifying me again!"


Shirt Free.
Hillbilly couple Jimbob (James Callis) and Trishlene (Tricia Helfer) decide to become hippies. They take their shirts off and wander around in the wild, putting flowers in their hair and singing stupid songs about going shirt free. Their arch enemy is Rody (Edward James Olmos), an angry old chief of police who hates nudity of all kinds, yet can't turn his eyes away from it. Their friend Ostrich (Jamie Bamber) is always at hand to join in the shirtlessness, as well as take shirt-free photos of them. This sitcom will run for eighteen seasons, despite being extremely formulaic. In each episode, they are almost but not quite caught by Rody, and Ostrich takes a series of sexy photos of them.

Some dialogue:
Jimbob: Golly, it's mighty fine going without a shirt! (ruffles chest hairs)
Trishlene: Oh yeppers. (ruffles boobs)
Ostrich: I done me a picture series that done been very sexy. I will get some cash for these. Yeehaw!
Rody: FREEZE!!!!
Jimbob: Oy, not him again. (puts shirt on)
Trishlene (puts shirt on, reluctantly)
Rody: YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR... wait a minute, where's your shirtless bodies?
Jimbob: Them's under them shirts.
Trishlene: Them. (points at boobs)
Rody: Hot fidgety fudge!!! *stomps ground in a comedic fashion*

Chest to Chest. 
What if shirts had never been invented? What if people just rubbed lotion on themselves and each other to keep warm- and safe? This horror drama explores such a sexy but dangerous world. Fyvush (James Callish) and Driwsha (Trisha Helfer) are starring, among others. Oh let's be honest, it's the entire BSG cast with no shirts to speak of.
Fyvush: Honey? Time to get up.
Driwsha: Mmmh. I had a beautiful dream that there were no chest-eaters. We just ran around happily with no fear.
Fyvush: But it was only a dream. The reality is, they are out there...
(looks out the window. A futuristic, poorly CGI'ed bird-beast stares back and licks its lips.
Fyvush: Ugh. (cuddles his chest)
Driwsha: Don't worry, sweetheart. We'll just rub this repellent lotion on ourselves and each other.
(30 minutes of lotion-rubbing in slow motion)
Bird-beast: GAWKK!!! (flies away from the smell of the repellent)
Fyvush: We finally found the right smell to repel them.
Driwsha: Too bad it's the smell of shit. But hey, you get used to everything.
(The TV turns on by itself)
Fyvush: We gotta fix that thing.
Reporter: A chest-eater mauled a young woman to death today in city chest. It was later found to be a suicide. The 25-year-old woman had left a note saying, "I cannot stand the smell anymore." She was a notable model and studied medicine... (Picture of the woman; Katee Sackhoff)
Driwsha: Oh my chest. Such a pointless death!
Fyvush: That's it! I will find a lotion that smells better than shit!

A chest-eater!!! Honestly how creepy is that?! (Toby says it just looks cute and I'm too easily scared. Maybe he's just scarred from playing too many Silent Hill games. It's HELLA SCARY.)




34t My 541rt.
(eat my shirt)
This ground-breaking idea explores a world that is exactly like the internet. People of all sizes keep stopping for sexy posing, while the jealous troll them relentlessly. The dialogue goes into many directions, but someone always mentions Hitler.
(beginning screen) You must be 18 or over to proceed. Please click YES if you are and NO if you are not.
(invisible hand clicks YES) We're not sure we believe you. But wtf ever, how could we tell?
(Street. Regular-looking people walk around. Among them - Jimbyc (James Callis) and trutricia (Tricia Helfer). People randomly stop to pose shirtless, sometimes pantsless.)
Jimbyc (takes his shirt off and gives some sexy poses.) (He could gain some weight for this role. Just an idea.)
Troll: LOL U R fat
Jimbyc: LOL Shut up haters u just jelous
Trutricia: F U stop being rude to my boyfriend he's rily hot u not
Troll: WTF is this Nazi Germany u just want ppl to say u r hot f u both
Troll 2: Show ur b00bs
Trutricia: (shows them)
Troll 2: w00t [CENSORED]
Jimbyc: WTF Shut up u perv its my gf u r talkin 2

I could go on forever, but I think I'll stop here. I hope you were turned on, I sure was.

A Slight Alleviation. (James Callis in Austenland)

So I dunno. I'm not going to say that I will LOVE this thing, because I probably won't. BUT.

-If you do a search, dozens of blogs are already squeeing over this film. It's all over the net. People are going to watch this. People are going to watch James. So it might not be the main role or anything, but he's at least VISIBLE to the great audience again. Some will watch for Stephenie Meyer (sigh), others will watch for Keri Russell, some because they love the book or Colin Firth. So it's visibility, and all visibility is good for his career.

-James' role is Colonel Andrews, according to this link, which is Shannon Hale's personal blog, so we can be pretty sure it's accurate. There's a preview of Austenland here, and browsing through it, I found Colonel Andrews on page 27 and on. There are fairly many scenes with him; he's an OLD-TIMEY BRITISH GENTLEMAN, just like I hoped. Swooon!!!! I want to see this! James is so good for the part of a gentleman, because well, even off character, he is. He may be down-to-earth and a bit clumsy and awkward sometimes, but always polite, and in some way very British. So it at least sounds like a fitting role and one I can enjoy watching.

-Colonel Andrews is described as "fair-haired, with a decent set of shoulders and a very ready smile". Fair-haired?! I wonder if they've given up on that or if James will dye his hair. Also, he is said to emit a "whiff of tobacco", which is fitting too. So maybe we get to see him smoke again!

That's about it. I must admit I couldn't read the book; I can't focus on this kind of fiction. I fear I sound like a snob now, I do enjoy entertainment, just not of the chick lit kind. However, I have no idea how much bearing the book will have on the actual film; Bridget Jones's Diary, while entertaining enough, was a terrible adaptation that took away the best scenes and shrunk the best characters into the margin. So reading the book might actually not warm me to the film at all. Maybe it's best to just know what part James will play and look forward to gentlemanly charm. I do find Keri Russell charming and a good actor, so that's also a plus.

I guess you could say I don't have "great expectations" for this film. Heh heh. Wait, no, that's Dickens. I'm approaching this film with too much "pride and prejudice". See? That works! I am clever! I should totally write a chick lit novel about a girl who obsesses over James Callis.

James Callis to be in "Austenland". (AKA I'm Sorry But.)

So James will appear in "Austenland", a rom-com about a woman who's obsessed with Colin Firth's Mr Darcy (who's apparently not called Mark except in Bridget Jones - so much for my classical literature education ;)). It's an adaptation of a book by Shannon Hale, starring Keri Russell. Brief article here.

I'll start with the good: it sounds like a mainstream film that WILL make it to Finland, so I can actually go see him in the cinema and buy the DVD. Yay for that! The premise sounds like it could be interesting, book adaptations tend to be better than run of the mill rom-coms, and I do like Keri Russell. (And Colin Firth, assuming he appears in the film at least in some way.)

But the bad... Oh, dear. OK, I'll just say this now, before I know more about the film: I'm a huge James Callis fan, but that comes second seat to my politics. I'm a feminist, and rom-coms exhibit all things I hate about modern "women's culture": they're shallow, feminist on the surface but patriarchal in the core, terribly dated and stereotypical, and what's worst of all, totally unfunny. I've seen a couple I liked, but there's a big chance I will not like this film. And I'm sorry, but I will gripe in that case. If I think it's a waste of my time and James' talent, I will gripe. I'll try not to make the posts ALL about that, but I won't make totally unpolitical gushery posts if I'm not feeling it. The only thing that will stop me from griping, if it's anything like other rom-coms I've seen, is if a) James is fat or b) he gets to play a really charming, funny, sexy gentleman (a well-written one). Preferably both. I know, boring feminist grouch, but there it is. (I wouldn't apologize if this were my personal blog, but I always feel like a fan blog should be a little more for the other fans, and I've already made it so much about me. But I am what I am.)

Also: SUPPORTING cast. In a rom-com. If this is another Bridget Jones's Diary, I will just... I mean, I know some good actors (Colin Firth) have done a bunch of rom-coms of varying quality. Maybe I'm biased because I'm just a big ol' fangirl but James is talented. He's smart, he brings a world of emotion into his roles, he's handsome, he has it all. He could be doing main roles, serious movies, genuinely funny comedies, Charlie Kaufman or David Lynch or something like that. It troubles me when he's cast like this, mentioned last in a Stephenie Meyer project. Is there something I'm missing? Is it his accent? His height? His lack of buffness? The fact that BSG was popular only in nerd circles? Or maybe he's just happy doing this kind of thing and doesn't want the stress and fame that would come with a bigger role. Maybe I'm taking him too seriously again and I need a new hobby.

On the other hand, he was going to be working on 17th Precinct, and probably passed by some other roles because that was his first choice. So maybe there's more good stuff coming later.

All of that said, I will give "Austenland" a try, and if it's good, address a full and frank apology for suspecting it sucks. (But can you blame me? Stephenie Meyer, Nacho Libre writer.)