Friday, July 22, 2011

James Callis Shirtless Ideas

I get so many "James Callis shirtless" searches lately that I have decided to post a few gratuitously shirtless movie/tv show ideas for him. With pictures of him shirtless thrown in. No need to thank me; I aims to please.

"Oh no... I think the fangirls are objectifying me again!"

Shirt Free.
Hillbilly couple Jimbob (James Callis) and Trishlene (Tricia Helfer) decide to become hippies. They take their shirts off and wander around in the wild, putting flowers in their hair and singing stupid songs about going shirt free. Their arch enemy is Rody (Edward James Olmos), an angry old chief of police who hates nudity of all kinds, yet can't turn his eyes away from it. Their friend Ostrich (Jamie Bamber) is always at hand to join in the shirtlessness, as well as take shirt-free photos of them. This sitcom will run for eighteen seasons, despite being extremely formulaic. In each episode, they are almost but not quite caught by Rody, and Ostrich takes a series of sexy photos of them.

Some dialogue:
Jimbob: Golly, it's mighty fine going without a shirt! (ruffles chest hairs)
Trishlene: Oh yeppers. (ruffles boobs)
Ostrich: I done me a picture series that done been very sexy. I will get some cash for these. Yeehaw!
Rody: FREEZE!!!!
Jimbob: Oy, not him again. (puts shirt on)
Trishlene (puts shirt on, reluctantly)
Rody: YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR... wait a minute, where's your shirtless bodies?
Jimbob: Them's under them shirts.
Trishlene: Them. (points at boobs)
Rody: Hot fidgety fudge!!! *stomps ground in a comedic fashion*

Chest to Chest. 
What if shirts had never been invented? What if people just rubbed lotion on themselves and each other to keep warm- and safe? This horror drama explores such a sexy but dangerous world. Fyvush (James Callish) and Driwsha (Trisha Helfer) are starring, among others. Oh let's be honest, it's the entire BSG cast with no shirts to speak of.
Fyvush: Honey? Time to get up.
Driwsha: Mmmh. I had a beautiful dream that there were no chest-eaters. We just ran around happily with no fear.
Fyvush: But it was only a dream. The reality is, they are out there...
(looks out the window. A futuristic, poorly CGI'ed bird-beast stares back and licks its lips.
Fyvush: Ugh. (cuddles his chest)
Driwsha: Don't worry, sweetheart. We'll just rub this repellent lotion on ourselves and each other.
(30 minutes of lotion-rubbing in slow motion)
Bird-beast: GAWKK!!! (flies away from the smell of the repellent)
Fyvush: We finally found the right smell to repel them.
Driwsha: Too bad it's the smell of shit. But hey, you get used to everything.
(The TV turns on by itself)
Fyvush: We gotta fix that thing.
Reporter: A chest-eater mauled a young woman to death today in city chest. It was later found to be a suicide. The 25-year-old woman had left a note saying, "I cannot stand the smell anymore." She was a notable model and studied medicine... (Picture of the woman; Katee Sackhoff)
Driwsha: Oh my chest. Such a pointless death!
Fyvush: That's it! I will find a lotion that smells better than shit!

A chest-eater!!! Honestly how creepy is that?! (Toby says it just looks cute and I'm too easily scared. Maybe he's just scarred from playing too many Silent Hill games. It's HELLA SCARY.)

34t My 541rt.
(eat my shirt)
This ground-breaking idea explores a world that is exactly like the internet. People of all sizes keep stopping for sexy posing, while the jealous troll them relentlessly. The dialogue goes into many directions, but someone always mentions Hitler.
(beginning screen) You must be 18 or over to proceed. Please click YES if you are and NO if you are not.
(invisible hand clicks YES) We're not sure we believe you. But wtf ever, how could we tell?
(Street. Regular-looking people walk around. Among them - Jimbyc (James Callis) and trutricia (Tricia Helfer). People randomly stop to pose shirtless, sometimes pantsless.)
Jimbyc (takes his shirt off and gives some sexy poses.) (He could gain some weight for this role. Just an idea.)
Troll: LOL U R fat
Jimbyc: LOL Shut up haters u just jelous
Trutricia: F U stop being rude to my boyfriend he's rily hot u not
Troll: WTF is this Nazi Germany u just want ppl to say u r hot f u both
Troll 2: Show ur b00bs
Trutricia: (shows them)
Troll 2: w00t [CENSORED]
Jimbyc: WTF Shut up u perv its my gf u r talkin 2

I could go on forever, but I think I'll stop here. I hope you were turned on, I sure was.

1 comment:

Elina said...

LOL!! Gaius seems to wake up often at the thought of being objectified.

Trishline!!! :D