So I've been blogging about James Callis for two years now. My visit count is over 16,000. (That's unique visits, not unique visitors, but still. Wow.) I guess I should say something profound. *twiddles thumbs* James' belly... No, that doesn't sound quite right.
When I started this blog, I had no idea I'd write this much or for this long. I like to think of fandom as something temporary, maybe because it scares me to think of how powerful it really is. I may still be here in ten years, or I may lose it tomorrow; I don't feel I have much control over this jumble of feelings. But I'm proud of this blog, and I'm happy I'm still a fan. This was a good year, with many James roles and lots of online interaction. I'm glad I was here to see it. His roles have gotten larger and, in some cases, deeper. My hope is still that he gets his own show sometime soon, something deep and awesome like Mad Men, but maybe it's too early for that.
I feel really touched that people like my blog. I know there are many readers who have been coming the whole two years, and who still check every week to see if I've posted. These are not necessarily people I've spoken to or seen post anywhere. It inspires me to write more. So again, a big THANK YOU and hugs to everyone who's reading. And remember: James loves me, and I love you, and therefore vicariously, James loves you. Happy and merry all around.
There's also the fandom I know personally, and it's been a little quiet lately. I miss our conversations about James' acting, chest hair, and other important aspects. But I also have been quiet myself, so I get it - we are grown ups with our own lives. When I compare this fandom to the Ace of Base fanbase, it seems much more harmonious. I haven't gotten into any fights with fans. I haven't had heated arguments, and most importantly, I haven't been judged. I don't know if it was my tone or the other fans, but I often got attacked in the AOB fandom for discussing the idols' weight (in my eyes, in a favorable way). None of the James fans have accused me of being shallow, rude, or obsessed. James fans are calm about my fat fetish - amused at him as well as me, willing to admit he sometimes has a belly, completely without reproach or disappointment. I tend to think that if weight gain is a taboo, that means fat is an ugly, shameful thing. It obviously isn't to James fans. Even my fat acceptance views have been accepted and, I feel, respected. This may be a small issue to most fans, but obviously it means a great deal to me.
Every James fan I've met has been intelligent, mature, funny and kind. Some are a bit weird - I count myself in this category too - and there's quite a bit of creativity. I know I can't speak for James, but I like to think we make him proud. I think he'd enjoy a conversation with us. (Of course, it depends on what we'd tell him - some things are best kept private. ;)) The fandom is small, and since the end of BSG, it seems to have shrunk further. But this may also be a good thing - no trolls, no troublemakers, no one who's very vocally unhappy with James' choices and isn't scared to say so in every thread.
I've had more contact with James this year than I expected, so that feels.. overwhelmingly exciting and touching. And it's fun that he has Twitter and we can hear a bit of what he's thinking, whether it's philosophy or schoolboy jokes. All of this, oddly, has strengthened the image I already had of him. Maybe I'm a pretty good judge of character? I feel like I've said all of this before. I feel strangely vulnerable talking about this, like something actually happened between James and I, and I'm open in front of him and he can see me, and that makes me bigger and more significant, but also smaller and more breakable, so that my feelings get tangled up oddly. This is why I haven't been posting much. I want to describe what I'm feeling, over and over again, but maybe it's always the same words? There's a certain calmness, though. I worry less about what he thinks of me, and I've stopped worrying that he must hate fat people/gays/any other group of people I belong to. Maybe one day, I'll be able to talk to him like he's just a regular person on my level. I don't see him as a god, really, but I do see him as higher than myself, so it's still a litle awkward. But I haven't told him "OMG I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU", and of this I'm proud.
It's gone quiet on the news front. On Twitter, I still do "james callis" and "gaius baltar" searches almost daily. Usually I find the same stuff over and over, tweeted by different people around the world. Something like this:
"Hey, Gaius Baltar is on Bridget Jones's Diary! WATCH OUT BRIDGET!"
or:
"Gaius Baltar in Bridget Jones's Diary! I keep expecting to see cylons!"
It's weird that so many people are making the same jokes. It's even weirder that so many people are watching BJD - isn't it a mediocre romantic comedy from 2001? Am I missing something? I should be glad that people recognize James and that Baltar is a cultural icon, but it feels more like lots and lots of people know what Gaius loosk like, but have no idea what his character was about. (Or what I think it was about. Which is humanity, and guilt, and compassion, and cowardice, and and. But not evil or conniving. Never those things.)
Perhaps because of this, I dreamt there were ads for Bridget Jones 3: I Am a Bear. (????) In these ads, there was Rowan Atkinson, and under his picture it read: "Mr Atkinson will replace the role of the gay man." I was really relieved that it wasn't James. Not that I hate Tom or anything, but he can do better than that. I don't have any actual news on Bridget Jones 3. But look, I'm a loyal fan. If it comes out, and James is in it, I will see it in theatre. I promise.
Then there are the roles I'm truly proud of. Gaius Baltar, Gabriel McDow, Guy Curran. These roles are the ones that have touched me the most over the years. I think I'll write a bit more about them still.
I've been thinking of making some interview link posts and transcripts and all that, but we'll see. Sometimes I'm too tired to write, but the blog won't die with that. If I can't write, I'll picspam. If I can't picspam, I'll linkspam. If I can't linkspam, I'll write strange and disturbing posts about my James dreams and fantasies. Either way, I'm still here and still Jamesing strong.
James on all of you* too! Especially James himself. :* :*
* = James on you was a phrase I coined with my best friend when we were fifteen. In other words, it has nothing to do with James Callis, but really, how convenient that his name should be James? When I told my family about my fandom, they giggled and said "His name is James?!" So you know.
** = It's true! Ask my best friend.
*** = It means like "blessings on you" or "all the best". NOT "shame on you".
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