Monday, December 24, 2012

James Callis Christmas Movie Ideas! ;)

With this, a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka, Tip Tot Tet, Kwazy Kwanzaa, and a solemn dignified Ramadan. And a Happy New Year. :) Also to James, in case he's reading. I would wish him Merry Christmas on Twitter, but sometimes I just get shy because he's really going to read it. I feel more comfortable writing silly things on the blog.

(I might or might not do a silly picture thing, but at the moment I don't have my James pictures to draw on, so I'll just be verbal.)

Once again, these are NOT real movies. I'm just being silly in the style of Awful Movie Database. Which, by the way, is hilarious and should update more often. 

Ho Ho Holly 
Scott (James Callis) is a typical dudebro. He has strong feelings for and against. For: hot chicks, beer, bros, giving wedgies. Against: ugly chicks, vegetables, hos, receiving wedgies. But Christmas gives him mixed feelings!! Especially when he falls for the hot Holly (Tricia Helfer), who wants to teach him the true meaning of Christmas - and it's giving and loving. He feels icky girl germs getting all over him - how will he fight this?! His bros Rock (Aaron Douglas) and Brock (Jamie Bamber) to the rescue. Who wins, bros or hos? Will Scott find the true meaning of Christmas? Who gives the final wedgie? 

Dialogue sample:
Brock: Hey dude, wanna give the nerd next door a wedgie?! 
Scott: Uh, I dunno. Holly says wedgies are mean and not  fitting to the Christmas spirit.
Rock: You've changed, man. 
Brock: Bros before hos, man!!! 
(Rock and Brock give Scott a wedgie.)

Jingle (Wedding) Bells
Bobby (some no-name actor) and Stacey (Katherine Heigl) are about to be married! They are soo happy, and everything is full of joy and love, especially since it's December 21st. But right before the wedding can take place, Bobby is hit by a car and goes into a coma. Despite the tragedy, Stacey pulls herself together and tries to rejoice Christmas with the help of empathetic and sexy doctor Seth (James Callis). As it happens, Seth's family is far away in London, and Stacey invites him to their house for Christmas. Will Seth put up with her wacky family? Will Stacey and Seth fall for each other (duh)? What happens when Bobby wakes up from a coma right as Stacey and Seth are kissing?!!! Warning: this movie is not recommended for intelligent people. 

Stacey's Grandma: You know, Seth, you are quite the fetching young man.
Seth: Uh, t-thank you, that's so kind of you. (blushes adorably)
Stacey's Grandma: Oh boy! I've been thinking of becoming a cougar, actually.
Stacey: Grandma!!!!
Seth: (alternately spits out his drink or squirts something)

Stacey: I feel like Christmas came for me after all.
Seth: It comes to everyone, Stacey. Always.
Bobby: Hey, wait a minute! What are you doing kissing my girlfriend!
Stacey: Bobby, you woke up!

Stacey: It's so great you understand, Bobby.
Bobby: I'm heartbroken. But I love you and want you to be happy.
(sob-story music)
Seth: You're a good guy, Bob. Here's something for your heartache.
Stacey: What did you give him?
Seth: Oh you know, just some extasy.
Stacey: SETHY!
Seth: What, did you want some too? 

Santa Clones
Mick Hallis (James Callis) is an ordinary, slightly goofy family father. When Christmas morning comes, he finds a stray dog in the snow and brings him in as a Christmas gift for the kids. As the family rejoices, their neighbor Joaquin Phoenix (Joseph Fiennes) shows up to ask about his missing dog... In the spirit of Christmas sharing, Mick and Joaquin decide to get the dog cloned. Wacky inventor Hermes Rotschild (Tim Allen) makes a little mistake, and now, much to the dismay of Mick's sensible wife Elmie (Julie Delpy), there are two of Mick! What will become of Christmas, and their lives?! 

Elmie: Mick, we don't know whose dog this is. 
Mick: Oh I'm sure he's just a stray! 
Elmie: Really? He looks remarkably well fed and trusting. 
Mick: Who knows what old lady has been feeding him. I name him Belchy.
Elmie: Mick, I really don't think you should give him beer. 
Generic children: What's this!!! Do we get to keep him!! He's sooo cute! We name him Chris, because he came at Christmas!
Mick: I prefer Belchy. 
Joaquin: Howdy neighbor!
Mick: Howdy J-quin! How's life? 
Joaquin: Not so good partner. Our dog Morby went missing.. Oh there he is!!! 
Mick: Uh oh. 

Hermes Rotschild: This is so exciting!!! *fiddles with 100 computers* 
Mick: Are you sure this is safe, Inventor Rotschild?
H.R.: Safe? Hahahaha! Ahahahahaha! Ahahahahahahahaahaaa!!!!!!
Mick: Uh oh. 

Elmie: Mick, this is insane! What am I going to do with you? You both.
Mick: Elmie, this could be GREAT! Think about it. Double the fun... One of me can go to work, the other one can stay and pleasure you all day...
Elmie: I'd be satisfied with either of you doing the yard work. 

Generic boy: Hey, Daddy's here AND Santa's here!
Generic girl: *gasp* This must be the REAL Santa!
Mick: Heh heh! *winks at camera* 
(End credits) 

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