Fandom Ramble

Starfury starts on Friday, and the lovely and brilliant Nicole Anell is going and will be reporting about it. I wanted to post something before that, but my brain has been a bit scattered lately. (As you may have noticed from my very coherent and intellectual posts of late.) I think I'm having a depression relapse, possibly due to the darkness.

There's a poll on the sidebar for non-BSG projects you might want to read about. I'll start on them after Starfury, so let me know what you'd like to see. I'll write about Sex and Chips for sure, and it seems to be leading the poll as well.

It's two months since I got the autograph. I have it on the wall next to my bed - I have a bed alcove, so it's a good place for things that you might want to stare at with blind obsession, or completely ignore on other days. I no longer look at it every day. On some days though, it hits me that it was really written by James to me and it wasn't my imagination. It's a huge deal still. It can be a good depression reliever too. I can take the autograph down, read it and touch the letters. It's like an embodiment of my appreciating, accepting HeadJames.

I had my last therapy session right before the James con, and the therapist asked me if I think it will change things. I didn't know the answer, and I still don't. I went through a two-week period of absolute bliss, and then came down and had to not think of James as much for a while. I wasn't feeling negative, just calmer, less hungry for new stuff. There's probably a limit to how much fangirl bliss the human brain can take. But for any more lasting effects... I do feel I met him in some way and it went really well. But since I wasn't actually there, he was reacting to my stuff, not to me, so I have no idea what our personal chemistry might be like. And I may never know. All fans dream of getting to know the idol personally, most fans never do, and that's probably a good thing. So don't worry James, I have no plans of disguising myself and applying as your new nanny, um, or something like that. *a completely innocent grin*

Speaking of which. There is one fear that I had, which I now feel calmer about. I was nervous that he might be a bit freaked out by me. I wouldn't blame him; I come up in basically every James Callis search at this point, and I post everywhere. It could seem a little much. But while he's poking me in the ribs a bit in the autograph - "Need I ask - but do you wanna join my cult?" - it sounds appreciative. Actually, knowing his humor, it's probably a very good sign to be teased by him. And he doesn't look freaked out at all in the pictures. Well, to be fair, there is one where he has this open gaping mouth, but I don't think it looks like "Is she here? OMG. Security!"

To be quite honest, I feel a bit sad too though. The con was something to look forward to and it kept me going in August and September. When October came and I realized it's over, I felt a bit empty, even if what I got was so good. It would be nice to know for sure that I can meet James some day and plan for a con trip, but I don't know if I'll really be able to afford it. It might be my only contact with James ever. It feels a little bitter to return to the second-hand reporter role for Starfury and know that others will be there meeting him in person. Maybe I just need to keep dreaming and start saving money for his next con in Germany.

Also: I did say I wouldn't be nervous about meeting him, but I'm already getting pre-con nerves again. And I'm not going to be there, nor even sending anything this time. I don't know what I'm nervous about. Except that I have a sudden fear he's going to show up bald. I'm not sure why; maybe because I listened to the Galactica Quorum interview again, and he mentioned wanting to be bald for season 4.5. I love him with long hair and short, but I'm not sure if even my fangirling extends to baldness. *shudders* Well, we'll see... I do wonder if James gets nervous before a con. Or is it just normal for him by now? A bunch of complete strangers will come up and talk to you and you have to be charming to all of them? I'd be nervous.

In other news... there's been so much stuff this year and I haven't even had time to write about all of it. I do want to get to his non-BSG projects and I still haven't posted the full Jules Verne transcripts. I might want to do some kind of roundup of the year. I'll keep you posted. This year, I won't have an internet connection over Christmas or New Year, so there probably won't be all that many holiday posts. (Last year I went a bit crazy with those, including the (in?) famous James Callis Related Post.)

Personal oddities: I'm still thinking of his weight, and at this point, it probably won't go away. So whether he's thin or a bit chubby or anything in between, I will most likely be thinking about it and referring to it sometimes. (I'll try not to bring it up in every post. I promise.) I know most people don't consider weight gain a positive thing, but for me, this speaks highly of his character. He likes to eat and is relaxed about stuff, and to me that's acceptant and beautiful. I don't know what his personal views are beyond that, so I'll try to not construct him as my fat acceptance hero or anything. He just gets chubby at times and I like it. I'm using "chubby" loosely here; I know he's never very big.

OK, so Starfury in a few days. I'll create the post when the first reports trickle in. Meanwhile, James on you all! :)