Friday, October 17, 2008

Best. CrackFic. Ever.

I'm not very familiar with the fan fiction communities yet, but the crackfic stuff really, well, cracks me up. If I understood correctly, the point is that the stories are intentionally fantastical and mix elements from different genres and traditions. There's a lot of humor and self-irony in them, and I find this style of writing fascinating. Most of the time, the crackfics go very off-character, and I'm not sure if that's intentional or not. But here's one that I thought was both in character and very funny (as well as focused on my favorite characters, of course).

Written by Nicole Anell, she of the awesome torture question, this fic is called Like Rogue Unicorns (hee and wtf?). The idea is that Baltar and Caprica Six have children, and then Baltar also has children with HeadSix, and Caprica has children with HeadBaltar. Of course, the invisible children can only be seen by their parents. It gets really confusing at some point, but the whole story is just hilarious and shows a great knowledge of the characters.

Some of my favorite quotes:
As Caprica-Six watched Head-Gaius go about his bored and sexy business (partially sexy because he was not covered in messianic facial hair), occasionally saying some kind of cryptic love couplet, she knew this was the right choice. She'd been burned by threesomes before, after all, but (as far as she knew) Head-Gaius was not a duplicitous whore. He couldn't possibly go off on some destiny kick and abandon the only person who could see him. Yes, this time it would work.

Naming was, of course, a difficult task. They had set some initial rules against naming their children after human gods, prominent Colonial officers, and any former sexual partners of the father (which would be a reasonable enough request, if his stint as president alone hadn't cut the name book in half and made Caprica wary of the otherwise lovely name "Felix.").

"I had twins," Six clarified. "Technically the boy is the first of God's new generation, but only by about 80 seconds."


"Want to fo... ffff..." the little girl looked to her Head-Daddy for help.

"Foment Civil War among the Cylons," he prompted.

"Want to fomop sibillwomong Cylons?"

Caprica bristled and put her down, shooting a look at Head-Gaius. "That's really unfair."

"Before you judge me, darling, you have to admit it sounds adorable when she says it."


Thus the newest member of their family had arrived, and again they had to adjust. If it was difficult for their secret imaginary polygamous marriage to work, it soon became twice as difficult to take care of all the children -- the invisible and non-invisible ones all had their own special needs. And no one adequately appreciated the effort Gaius Baltar was putting into it, in his own opinion.


"Oh, this is unbearable," sighed Head-Gaius. "I'm just depressed now." But depression looked exponentially sexier on him that it did on Regular-Gaius.

I could basically quote the whole thing. The brilliance of the narrative is that it combines fan reactions - like Head-Gaius being hot - with stuff implied on the show (like Caprica's issues with threesomes above). Even if it's intentionally fantastical, it's still in character, from HeadBaltar's bristly sarcasm to Gaius' self-absorbed nervousness. These aren't necessarily easy characters to write either, because you need to take into account that Caprica Six is not like HeadSix, and Gaius is nothing like HeadBaltar. In the same vein, Caprica and Gaius have a completely different relationship than Gaius and HeadSix, who have a completely different relationship than Caprica and HeadBaltar. So you have four characters and three relationships going on here, and I think Nicole is doing a good job of keeping them separate and in character.

Add to that the various children, both visible and imaginary - it's actually a very complex story, even if it's also very silly. Great job!

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