Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My Autograph!

My full autograph on my wall, next to my bed. Now I can look at it anytime and see James' words to me. Once again: Best. Autograph. Ever. (L)!!!

I just had to take a picture with the autograph. I'm feeling happy and touched. Pedda had placed it in a hard envelope with a plastic binder, and I feel like I'm already abusing the paper again, but I just had to take one picture of me with it. As if it's a picture of me with James. Once again, sorry for the poor quality of both my webcam and my cell phone cam. I'll get a proper digital camera sometime soon.

"Hmm, something's missing here..." James adds a dash. :D (Photo by the lovely René Kissien of Caprica-City.)

I got my autograph today. It's long and beautiful and the dents of the marker can be felt with your fingers. James has something I've touched and I have something James has touched. It's all very cosmic. Huge thanks and hugs to Pedda of Caprica-City again!

Dear [real name] -
Thank you so much for your gifts...
so sorry to miss you
- need I ask...
But Do you -
wanna Join my cult?
Membership has its privileges!
Lots of and lots of love always
James Callis xxx
I've already commented on the content in the "Evening With James Callis" post below, but once again - it's the longest and sweetest autograph I've ever seen, and it really sounds genuinely tender. (L)! I wasn't expecting something this personalized, and still can't quite believe it. I feel touched by James in some way. It's hard to explain. I felt a weird panic when I first saw the pictures of him with my autograph, and the same feeling grabbed me for a moment when I opened the letter - like something irrevocable has happened, the REAL James has seen me, and I can't ever take it back. But I'm so happy with how this worked out. In the pictures - I haven't posted some because there are other people in them too - he looks touched and tender, and his words sound the same. It's more than I had expected. *sniff*

I love his handwriting. A lot of men write big choppy letters; there's something delicate about James' writing. He started fairly big and then made the text smaller as he went along, and the three little x's are in the right margin. It's endearing and touching that he wanted to add them. I love how the name itself is so small, like it's an aside and the message is more important. Like it's a letter and not an autograph. There's no s in his name, so it's James Calli. His R's are very inconsistent. The one in "membership" looks more like a v. And I love his L's and I's and D's with their little sails. All of this is so endearing and so James.

Yes, there's a dash after "but do you". And yes - that picture above is him adding the dash in. That's so... :D Why would he add a dash in after the fact? Did he feel something was missing? Or has he seen me make fun of his "dashing" writing skills and so he added it in to amuse me? Hmmm. I'm trying to decipher his expression for possible mischieviousness, but it's really hard to tell. :D I can't believe I have a picture of him drawing a dash - that's almost too perfect.

And yes - I'm very curious about those privileges. I want to join his cult right away. ;)

"Lots and lots of love always". Sniff! I know he writes "lots of love" a lot, but... I can't even write about that one.

He didn't draw a dog, which is the only little disappointment. (I think he ran out of space.) I really don't mind though, because the autograph is so beautiful and personalized. I asked for the dog just in case it would feel a little generic, no matter what he wrote; autographs easily feel that way. But I should have trusted James more, because he really makes them unique. It leaves me something to ask for, in case I meet him some day - I feel like this autograph is unique and once in a lifetime, so I might not want another one, ever. But I can ask him to draw a dog.

It's so touching to look at this printout, the one I held on to on those most depressed days last winter. I looked at it as I first woke up and last thing at night. I kept looking at it throughout the day when I was too tired to do much more than lie in bed. The printout became a symbol of the person I used to be - passionate about something, happy. I wanted to be that person again, and the printout somehow made me feel connected to that. Now I can look at it and think that I lived to see the fall and feel better - and I got to connect with James in some way. There's something beautiful and poetic about that.

I run my fingers on the printout. James and I are touching the same thing, there's only a two week lag. Our universes meet for a moment. I'm his binary messenger.*

* I haven't gone insane, I'm just excited about this.


Elina said...

His right index finger is very bendy, yuck! :D

Maybe he was just reading what he'd just written, with his pen hovering over the spot after "do you" - then he accidentally lowered the pen and oh no a dash!! OR a spot, but he transformed it into a dash so it didn't look like a smear!

It really is hard to tell :D :D

God I love his hair!

Deniselle said...

Yuck?! It's beautiful! :D My own bends in a similar way actually ;)

Maybe he's possessed by the spirit of Dash every time he writes something. Without his knowledge, the hand hovers over the paper, his finger is bent by the spirit, and dashes appear all over. He has no recollection of it later - much like Baltar signing the death list! ;)

Deniselle said...

On a close look, I think it really looks like a proper dash, not a smudge. He - or some being inside him! - wanted to write a dash there.


Wesoly said...

That is so awesome! :D

Hey, nothin' wrong with bendy fingers! :)

Jesus Christ, he can be MY binary messenger any day. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Deniselle said...

LOL! :D You're usually so calm, I love when you get like this.

He stretched his mighty hand to touch mine. (Is it creepy if I paraphrase Mason Duryea?)

Elina said...

You look so cute and happy there. A plastic coat for the autograph! :D

The spirit of Dash, of course, how come I didn't think of that..there are spirits all around us!

Deniselle said...

Awww, thank you! I am very happy :D

The plastic coat is Pedda's. I initially punched holes in the original paper but then I thought, maybe best keep it in plastic on the wall :D I have no idea if it's going to keep - the paper is pretty thin as it is, so I hope I can save it for at least a few years. Must take lots of photos! ;)

Anonymous said...

Hey Deniselle!

What a beautiful post! Good to know the sheet arrived safely. I'm very happy you enjoy all the facets of this autograph so much. May it continue to be a source of strength!

Deniselle said...

:) I've been in a pretty good mood today even if I slept badly - I have James' autograph (L) (L) and it makes me feel really good.

Maybe I'll get off the high at some point, but I think it's going to mean a lot for me for a good while.

James on you and thank you so much again for getting me the autograph! :*