I seem to have blogged about movie ideas for James about a year ago, so why not freshen up the blog with some new ones? I still haven't heard from James or his agent re:the old ones, but the same prices apply: 500 bucks/idea and 10 000 if you want me to write the whole script. I can start writing anytime. I have lots of free time on my hands, as you can probably tell by these ideas...
Jimmy the Dog
Jimmy (James Callis) gets weird news one day: his uncle has passed away and left him in possession of his dachshund (Dora Negri-Crutchfield). Not a fan of dogs, Jimmy evades his responsibility - especially since the dog looks eerily like him and keeps giving him weird looks. One day, he wakes up and realizes his consciousness has been placed inside the dog's body, while Jimmy is now inhabited and controlled by a dog's mind. How can he signal to other people what's going on? Will anyone believe him? Will the dog ruin his chances with his girlriend Ginny (Lucy Lawless)? In this educational family comedy, Jimmy learns a lot about life in general and dogs in particular.
A Woman From the Near Future
Nurse Janine (Tricia Helfer) witnesses the death of a handsome, kind man (James Callis) she only sees briefly on one day. Devastated by the event, she begs God to give her a chance to help him. The next morning, she wakes up - to the same day all over again. There's a note on her desk saying "Whatever you do, don't fall in love or else. GOD" Will she be able to save him? Will she be able to resist that luscious hair? What kind of punishment will God (Edward James Olmos) give her when she can't?
Five people (one of whom is James Callis) wake up inside a weird box. What is the box? How did they get there? How can they get out? Can they? James plays a weird guy who seems to be holding many secrets. For one thing, where does he keep getting cigarettes and donuts? Secrets are revealed, horror ensues, etc.
(This is not a copy of The Cube.)
(Oh who am I kidding, it totally is, but the point is I could still make it fresh and novel. With the cigarettes and donuts.)
Jack the Ripper Meets the Stripper
Loosely based on the life of murderer Jack the Ripper, this movie details a brief encounter between Jack (James Callis) and stripper Dyamonde (Tricia Helfer). After this encounter, she stays in his head as a weird guiding angel who also has sex with him.
(Um, I don't know all that much about Jack, so it could be mostly sex and moral dilemmas in the head of a murderer. They could improvise a whole lot.)
My Liver's Busted
Gengulphus Donglefield (James Callis) is a posh British upper-class twit who's drunk himself to near death. His liver busted, he needs a liver transplant - only no one wants to give him one, so he has to ask his estranged family for help. His mother volunteers to give her liver, but only if Gengulphus become entangled in her weird criminal pursuits to rob a...
Hey wait a minute, she'd die if she donated her liver. Ummm.
My Kidney's Busted
Gengulphus Donglefield (James Callis) is a posh British upper-class twit who's drunk himself to near death. His kidney busted, he needs a transplant - but who can give him one when his whole estranged family despises him? His mother Lady Eustacia Donglefield née Montparnassé (Barbra Streisand) finally volunteers to help, but only if he get entagled with her weird criminal pursuits to rob a bank (or something more interesting). Can Gengulphus climb walls and cat-burglarize with his busted kidney? Will he be busted by the cops before he gets the transplant? Thriller, PG-13.
Super Size Him
Fat fetishist fan Deniselle (Lucy Lawless)* decides to fatten up her slender idol James Callis (as himself). She volunteers at cons and plants pastries wherever he goes. Will James be able to resist her sweet offerings? Will the other fans get wind of this harebrained scheme and stop her in time? Or will her conscience (Tricia Helfer) get to her? (Training montage not included.)
* Well she looks a bit like me, OK? She has the same hair color as Three, anyway. Shut up.