Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Movie Ideas For James, Part 2

I seem to have blogged about movie ideas for James about a year ago, so why not freshen up the blog with some new ones? I still haven't heard from James or his agent re:the old ones, but the same prices apply: 500 bucks/idea and 10 000 if you want me to write the whole script. I can start writing anytime. I have lots of free time on my hands, as you can probably tell by these ideas...

Jimmy the Dog

Jimmy (James Callis) gets weird news one day: his uncle has passed away and left him in possession of his dachshund (Dora Negri-Crutchfield). Not a fan of dogs, Jimmy evades his responsibility - especially since the dog looks eerily like him and keeps giving him weird looks. One day, he wakes up and realizes his consciousness has been placed inside the dog's body, while Jimmy is now inhabited and controlled by a dog's mind. How can he signal to other people what's going on? Will anyone believe him? Will the dog ruin his chances with his girlriend Ginny (Lucy Lawless)? In this educational family comedy, Jimmy learns a lot about life in general and dogs in particular.

A Woman From the Near Future

Nurse Janine (Tricia Helfer) witnesses the death of a handsome, kind man (James Callis) she only sees briefly on one day. Devastated by the event, she begs God to give her a chance to help him. The next morning, she wakes up - to the same day all over again. There's a note on her desk saying "Whatever you do, don't fall in love or else. GOD" Will she be able to save him? Will she be able to resist that luscious hair? What kind of punishment will God (Edward James Olmos) give her when she can't?

The Box

Five people (one of whom is James Callis) wake up inside a weird box. What is the box? How did they get there? How can they get out? Can they? James plays a weird guy who seems to be holding many secrets. For one thing, where does he keep getting cigarettes and donuts? Secrets are revealed, horror ensues, etc.

(This is not a copy of The Cube.)
(Oh who am I kidding, it totally is, but the point is I could still make it fresh and novel. With the cigarettes and donuts.)

Jack the Ripper Meets the Stripper

Loosely based on the life of murderer Jack the Ripper, this movie details a brief encounter between Jack (James Callis) and stripper Dyamonde (Tricia Helfer). After this encounter, she stays in his head as a weird guiding angel who also has sex with him.
(Um, I don't know all that much about Jack, so it could be mostly sex and moral dilemmas in the head of a murderer. They could improvise a whole lot.)

My Liver's Busted

Gengulphus Donglefield (James Callis) is a posh British upper-class twit who's drunk himself to near death. His liver busted, he needs a liver transplant - only no one wants to give him one, so he has to ask his estranged family for help. His mother volunteers to give her liver, but only if Gengulphus become entangled in her weird criminal pursuits to rob a...

Hey wait a minute, she'd die if she donated her liver. Ummm.

My Kidney's Busted

Gengulphus Donglefield (James Callis) is a posh British upper-class twit who's drunk himself to near death. His kidney busted, he needs a transplant - but who can give him one when his whole estranged family despises him? His mother Lady Eustacia Donglefield née Montparnassé (Barbra Streisand) finally volunteers to help, but only if he get entagled with her weird criminal pursuits to rob a bank (or something more interesting). Can Gengulphus climb walls and cat-burglarize with his busted kidney? Will he be busted by the cops before he gets the transplant? Thriller, PG-13.

Super Size Him

Fat fetishist fan Deniselle (Lucy Lawless)* decides to fatten up her slender idol James Callis (as himself). She volunteers at cons and plants pastries wherever he goes. Will James be able to resist her sweet offerings? Will the other fans get wind of this harebrained scheme and stop her in time? Or will her conscience (Tricia Helfer) get to her? (Training montage not included.)

* Well she looks a bit like me, OK? She has the same hair color as Three, anyway. Shut up.


Anonymous said...

eeee!!! you made me laugh again!!

"Wait a minute, without her liver, she'd be dead."

and eddie as God!

you are creative and funny. why don't you write more fiction??

what is this "the cube"? must check it out.

- jenna/ginevra

Deniselle said...

Awwww! *hug*

It's my dream to write fiction.. I actually have this story idea, but I haven't gotten around to making a book about it. Or rather, I have characters for a possible story. It's humor in the style of this post. :D

*checks* it doesn't seem to be on Youtube.. you should rent it, it's a movie about people stuck in this giant cube, and there are doors but each of them leads to a similar but differnet-colored cube. It's kinda fascinating, as they try to piece together how to get out. It's a really anxiety-inducing movie tho :P

Deniselle said...

..and luckily there are other body parts that come in twos :D I just left that note there as a sign of my brain working out potential problems in the script ;)

Elina said...

I thought of the box in Felicity..remember it? Her roomie had this box where she kept miniature dolls of them and in one episode they were actually inside it, or something.

You can donate a part of your liver, apparently you don't need a whole one to keep living... :p So it could be done!

Interesting how so many movies would have Tricia too. HEr career would really rise up if only James got these roles.

Deniselle said...

Wow, I do. Maybe that's where I got the idea of a box. It's double plagiarism then! :D

Yes. It would benefit James AND Tricia. AND the viewers. AND me. Everybody wins!

Still no contact from James' agent tho.. :(

Elina said...

Maybe you need to remove the tag "not entirely serious". Otherwise they'll never realize that of course you are, serious! ;)

Anonymous said...

The dog idea is great - and Dora really IS the dog to do it. She is smart, funny and can hit her mark every time! ;o)

Deniselle said...

Heh, thanks for commenting! Dora looks cute in the photos, and has a good likeness to James Callis. Sounds like she has a bit of acting experience too! I'll let you know if James gets interested in the idea... ;)